To forgive takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger.

To forgive really is divine. It takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger. It’s much easier to hold a grudge. Yet when we make the choice and allow ourselves to put aside that anger and to forgive those who have harmed us, we actually do ourselves a great service. Making the conscious decision to let go of pain is the beginning of healing. But doing so is challenging because it is easy to become attached to seeing oneself as a victim and to hold onto resentment, even when the person who has harmed us is genuinely sorry. Forgiving someone is both one of the most difficult and one of the most spiritually rewarding choices we can make.            

While forgiveness is a noble act, expressing true forgiveness is empowering because it helps us to stop feeling like victims and to dispel our own suffering at having been wronged. Our levels of anger and hostility decreases while our capacity to love increases.We are better able to control our anger and we have an enhanced capacity to trust. We are freed from the control of past events, which can help us to stop repeating negative behaviour. Both our physical and mental health improves. Though many people feel forgiveness is something that must be asked for or earned by another, forgiveness is actually a gift you give to yourself…..  

Have a good day. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏💙

 Copyright © 2020 Joannewellington.com

What is normal?

I have been thinking a lot about the word ‘normal’ lately

And have been catching up on my feed reading where I have found a mountain of people struggling with situations caused by this word ‘normal’. Whether it be in relation to sexuality and where you fit on the Kinsey scale or whether it be about being gay or whether it be about what is normal for a person of your age it is all very confusing.

Normal, is often perceived by social norms but even that is flawed because it is influenced by how we were raised, the groups we associated with and our personal belief structures. For example I don’t see people who enjoy going out and getting drunk as “normal” or stealing for a living ,challenging and wanting one up on the other all the time however someone who has grown up around that or socialises with people who do that may see that as “normal”  Culturally issues such as being gay may not be seen as normal because it is not common amongst peoples circles and the thousands of years of conditioning that people have received.

I have found that as individuals we each decide what we consider normal. In saying that I have found there is no such thing. Normal simply does not exist. I don’t want to play semantics but to me what we are really saying when we use the word normal or say that some action is not normal is that it doesn’t fit into our reality or it doesn’t fit with what I want in my reality. At this point we can either accept the differences, compromise on behaviours or discard people and situations that don’t meet our idea of normal (reality but loss).

Consider this next time you use the word normal and although I know there are a million scenarios and justifications both legitimate and not, I think and feel the word is just too ambiguous and most of the time doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I just had mention this By society’s conventional standards A very simple idea that can be used to classify abnormal behaviour is personal distress. Basically, if a person is content with their life, then they are of no concern to the mental health field. However, if a person’s thoughts or behaviours are causing them personal discomfort or unhappiness, then they will be considered by the professionals as abnormal.

From small babies to elderly grandparents we have a duty.

The family unit is an inescapable feature of our everyday life .While families should be fundamental to our feelings of wellbeing, they can also be sources of great tension. Whether your problem is troublesome teens, interfering in-laws, competing siblings, demanding parents or ill-mannered children, our guide to family life is an essential tool for domestic survival and it does matter how and what values  you want to choose to put in to
your children before you even start.

Children’s manners are getting worse. Table manners are a thing of the past, respect for elders and parents themselves is out of the window, and so on.

We teach our children to walk, we teach them to talk and, if we want our children to interact  successfully, we teach them manners: not just elbows-in, saying-thank-you manners but how to rub along happily with others – both peers and those of all generations, backgrounds and abilities, and this is what we would consider as normal just remember this: “In children, you will get back what values you put into them ”the same  also works for relationships”.

For parents.

Always try your upmost to lead by example, teach good foundations which is most important. Notice what you dislike in yourself and don’t teach it your children. Be polite at all times, listen carefully if you don’t listen to your children how  do you expect then to listen to you, if you’re a shouting parent you will have shouting kids, act deferentially towards the elderly, show consideration for people in public places of all races. Your
good manners and attitude will inevitably rub off on your children and may bring “back respect” from the lost generation .

From my own experiences of becoming a mother I have learnt the biggest difficulties of today are that no matter what values we do teach our children they are still up against the challenge of the word ” normal” and what is normal as they are always around influences of all sorts. As I said earlier in the article as individuals we each decide what we consider normal… “Normal simply does not exist or does it?”

your views would be most appreciated.

Written by Joanne Wellington for meadum2spirit

Copyright © 2020 JoanneWellington.com copyright  all Rights Reserved.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

6 SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being. In an abusive relationship your partner constantly makes you feel less than a normal person so that they can control you.

Abuse in a relationship is about control where your partner does all they can to control you using either physical and/or emotional abuse. Based on that definition you may find shades of abuse in most relationships when angry people say or do things that they may not mean but what sets them apart from abusive and unhealthy relationships is that here the abuse is infrequent while in abusive relationships the abuse is the normal state of things.

In an abusive and unhealthy relationship your normal everyday reality is a constant tearing down of who you are through verbal abuse or emotional manipulation and/or physical violence. So what are the red flags of an abusive and unhealthy relationship?

1. They controls what you do and what you think. In a very real sense they are master over you as they controls what you do, the people you see and what you feel most of the time. They do this using fear of specific consequences which they have trained you to dread.  Think of it like being on an invisible leash which your partner holds by instilling fear of certain consequences from them if you go or do what they have not sanctioned.

You are thus afraid of any new situation as you don’t know how they will react and you are also afraid of familiar situations since anything can set them off. Are you living in constant fear of upsetting your partner or them hitting you for some vague reason? Are you plagued by fear of what your partner will do and does this determine what you do or don’t do? Then this is a noticeable red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 2. They determines who your friends are. To keep you firmly under there control your partner will make sure that nobody else can have any strong influence on you as that may weaken their hold over you so they alienates you from family, friends and social settings that they feel may threaten or challenge their hold over you.

They drive a wedge between you and your family, they disparage your friends and they emotionally blackmail you to give up ‘other’ activities besides themselves so that they are your only family, friend and life activity. Does that describe you? Does your partner have a tight rein on who you see or don’t see, where you can go etc. so that without their express approval you fear visiting even members of your family? If this is your reality then this is another red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 3. They gets worse with time instead of better. You may have stayed hoping against hope that your partner would change when they saw how much you really loved them and that you were doing all that they asked of you (and even more) but they seem to be getting more controlling and more abusive. Peace and happiness just eludes you in this relationship and the best that you get is the calm before the storm that comes between the abusive episodes.

You have come to slowly realise that you can never seem to make them happy since they seems to need to keep you in constant emotional turmoil so as to keep their hold over you. Does this describe you and your partner? If it does then this is a red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship. You need to realise that there is no possibility or hope of any lasting joy with your partner.

They cannot treat you well because their own demons do not allow them to do so and until they get long term professional help your only peace will be the calm in between the abusive episodes until the day that you and they are parted.

 4. Your needs are never considered. Since your relationship is by definition dysfunctional and one sided then your needs for love, intimacy, trust and security are either not met or they are distorted.

Love becomes their abuse since if they didn’t love you they wouldn’t abuse you and the more they abuse you the more they supposedly love you since only a person with deep feelings would abuse you so much. Intimacy is at their terms and it is geared at meeting their needs only and the fulfilment of yours is incidental.

Your only security is that they would protect you from others since you are their prey and like any other animal they are unwilling to share. If this describes your relationship then this is another red flag that you are certainly in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

If you would be honest with yourself, you would acknowledged to yourself that you are in this relationship to meet only your partner’s needs.

 5. You live in fear. A cloud of fear hangs over your head or is always somewhere within your vicinity. You live in a state of anxiety as you really don’t know what will set them off; all you know is that something will set them off sooner or later.

Sometimes the waiting for the abuse is almost as bad as the abuse itself since you know it’s on its way but you just don’t know from which direction it will come and the anxiety is almost crippling. If this describes your emotional state then this is a clear raised flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 6. You feel physically sick. All the emotional fretfulness and anxiety from the abuse is beginning to take its toil and you feel ill often. Your head hurts sometimes or your stomach or your back or some other part of your body. Every day there is a part of your body that is not functioning properly and you are also not sleeping properly. You feel bad about yourself and nothing about who you are gives you any joy. A red flag that the abusive relationship is beginning to have long term effects on you.

If these 6 red flag are a part of your relationship reality then know for sure that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship and you need to get out today. Don’t think about it, don’t imagine that things might change, don’t deceive yourself that this is love…just leave them today and never come back.  The longer you stay the harder it gets to leave since you get used to the abuse and before long it becomes normal for you and you begin to lose your sense of the wrongness of what they is doing to you.

Rosy Anderson – About the Author:
Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships.

Human leech problem…Is the process becoming one-sided?

“The Human Leech is whiny”. It thrives on pity and sympathy. The Leech will do anything to gain the sympathy of those


in its surroundings, and hurt those that are not, even if it has to make itself look sad and pathetic. The leech is persistent they will wear you down It’s just the way they are unfortunately for this lifetime and probably Meany more depending on what mind set they are at now!

” GET RID OF THEM!!! You can’t help people that don’t want to be helped”

Human leeches are those people who continually want more from us no matter how much we give them. Yet they refuse to reciprocate our efforts in any appropriate or meaningful ways.

Leeching possibilities are diverse and endless. It could be a grown daughter constantly asks us to baby-sit or to continue to provide for them as you did when children and is incensed when we decline. A neighbour routinely needs us to perform favours or lend him tools, or even expect you to abide by their rules of living yet never offers to feed our cat when we’re away. A co-worker is always happy to join us for happy hour, but disappears when it’s his turn to pick up the tab, in some cases they may offer to be nice to you in some way lend you something and expect a dedicated relationship for there good deed or expect an awful lot form it this is not in there good will its to trap you.

Whatever the circumstances, the result is always the same. Energy in the relationship travels one way. Recipients of leeching feel resentful. They feel they’re being taken for a ride. They long to stop the drain on their time, emotions and finances. Yet they’re frequently at a loss about how to stanch the flow.

Leeching creates a subtle stress that’s often unrecognized until it’s out of control. Many report feeling guilty saying “no” to the leeches’ demands. They dread hurting the chronic takers’ feelings. They worry about damaging the relationship. In truth, leeches don’t respect us anyway not in any way. Our relationships are contorted at best. They only want what we can give them. When the supply runs low, they happily move on to someone else.

Most of us are happy to help others. We’re eager to chip in wherever we can. We have no problem hosting the softball pasta feed on our patio or buying groceries for an ill friend. But if that giving goes on for an extended period of time or if our efforts are underappreciated, hostility starts to creep in. The process becomes one-sided. We know we’re being used.

Of course, sometimes the involved parties aren’t on an equal footing. They can’t give back as much as they get. A frail mother who has broken her hip is going to require on-going attention from her middle-aged offspring. She can’t possibly reciprocate their behaviour.

In those situations, it’s necessary for the adult children to care for the parent, making sure that she is safe and adequately cared for. Hopefully their own children will follow in their footsteps and be kind and attentive as their folks age. It’s important to remember that leeches can’t suck us dry unless we let them. Yes, leeches have poor boundaries. They don’t understand proper protocol. They see no problem continually asking for favours as long as others are willing to comply.

But they must have willing targets who cave in to their insatiable needs. They’re adept at scanning the emotional waters to learn who is willing to give them what they want. Then, once they’ve located a potential host spot, they attach their suckers and refuse to let go.

Tips for losing human leeches

Want to rid your life of leeches once and for all? Try these techniques:

Recognize leeching behaviour. Does someone always make demands on your money or time? Are they unappreciative about what you do? Do you feel resentful about what they’re asking? Do you have trouble setting limits on your relationship? Then you’re involved with a human leech. Do something about it now!

• Avoid over giving. Leeches prey on people who make giving a way of life. Yes, charity is honourable. But don’t chronically overextend. Give only what you comfortably can. Save ample emotional and physical resources for yourself.

• Decide on your personal boundaries. Leeches want you to feel pressured so you’ll say “yes” to their every demand. Instead, back away. Say, “I’ll let you know tomorrow.” Next, go home and analyse what you really want to do. Remember, you’re in charge.

• Practice the 2+1+1 rule. Have trouble setting limits with others? Use this sure-fire ploy: When asked to do something you don’t want to do, say two positive statements (i.e. “Thanks for thinking of me. You know I’d love to help.”), followed by your limit (“But I’m not able to volunteer at this time.”) and one more positive statement (“Hope the event goes well.”).

• Quiet guilt. You fret that your “no” will damage the relationship. Calm your fears. You’re doing the right thing, protecting your boundaries while teaching your leech an invaluable lesson.

• Don’t cave in to leeches’ ranting. Human leeches are accustomed to having their way. If they put up a fuss, feel free to ignore them. They’ll eventually stop whining and move on to someone else they can suck dry.

Leeches ~Are ruled by the green eye monster within them.

Seven steps to reduce your ego,

Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

Copyright © 2020 joannewellington.com

MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS.

Joe makes a comment and you suddenly feel a rush of energy. Your face flushes and your knuckles whiten as you begin squeezing the edge of the table for dear life. Some part of you knows that this feeling is not proportionate to Joe’s comment or intention, but something was triggered in you nonetheless, and you’re ready to bite his head off.

To be effective as a friend, spouse, significant other, co-worker, manager, leader, or whatever role you’re playing at the moment, learning to manage your feelings is a critical step toward living a happy, successful, and fulfilled life. And let me just say this up front, managing your feelings doesn’t mean that you stuff them down and repress them. It means that you become aware of what’s going on inside of you, own your feelings as your own, heed the message that they have for you, and act responsibly.

What are emotions and what is emotional mastery? Emotions are often described as energy in motion. They become problems only when we judge them as wrong, bad, or inappropriate. When we let our emotions run us, we miss the message that they carry. When we stuff them down for fear of what they might cause us to do, they simply lie in wait to emerge with a vengeance later on. Emotional mastery is the ability to process our emotions so that we receive their message and use their energy for appropriate action.

Our emotions are very much a reflection of our beliefs about life events. For example, if you believe that you are your work and you suddenly lose your job, you are likely to feel an incredible amount of fear, as you perceive your very survival to be at stake. If you repress this fear, possibly because you view it as a weakness, you’ll probably experience anger or rage and at some point, you will likely lash out at whoever’s available.

If on the other hand, you are a person who views your job simply as one aspect of your life, and you know that your inherent value lies in your unique skills and qualities, then your feelings and response to losing your job will probably be a whole lot different. You may just view this loss as an opportunity to explore a whole new path for yourself.

The bottom line here is this: how you feel in any situation corresponds exactly with what you believe about yourself and the situation. Master your beliefs, and you’ll master your emotions.

Knowing that you can change how you feel simply by changing how you think about each experience is a powerful concept.

So if you feel upset about something, ask yourself, “How can I reinterpret this event in a such a way that I can feel good or at least OK about it?” If you have a bill you can’ pay, instead of getting mad or sad about it, decide that this is an opportunity to redesign your financial life. Ask for help, develop a plan, and use your energy to get moving on it.

How you think about your emotions adds even another layer. We often give ourselves a double whammy when we get upset about feeling upset. Here are some positive ways to interpret the purpose of our basic emotions set down by Peter McWilliams in his book, “Do It.”

Fear is the energy to do your best in a new situation.
Guilt is the energy for personal change-it is anger directed toward ourselves, and anger is the energy for change.

Unworthiness keeps us on track–just as we can have anything we want, we can’t have everything we want. So too, we are worthy of anything we want, but we may not be worthy of everything we want.

Hurt feelings are a reminder of how much we care.


So how can you use this information in your life? I suggest that you examine any beliefs you hold around emotions and the situations that trigger them. Begin to cultivate present moment awareness as your emotions arise. Just notice them and look at them, not as good or bad, but simply with curiosity, and with the question, what’s this energy for and how do I choose to use it?

Practice. Begin the practice of observing emotions when they arise and identify any judgments you might have about them. Focus instead on listening to the message they hold for you. Then, if you should be so bold, act on this message by expressing the emotion in a positive fashion.

OK How To Master Your Emotions

The first thing you have to understand in the mastery of your emotions is that each of your emotions are Action Signals that your mind sends to you. So these perceived negative emotions should not be suppressed, rather, you should realize the real message they send out like i said before and take proper corrective action.

Step 1. Identify Your Action Signals

These action signals can be classified broadly into 10 types namely :

Discomfort
Emotional pain / Hurt
Anger
Disappointment
Inadequacy
Frustration
Fear
Overwhelmed
Guilt / Regret
Loneliness
When you experience one or more of these action signals, you should realize that they are sending you a specific message. To gain control of your emotions, you have to listen to these messages and take proper action.

For example, if you feel extremely angry towards something or someone, the message this action signal sends is – One of your important rule or standard has been violated.

If you are beset with Fear , it is a clear signal that you should prepare yourselves to avoid the negative consequences.

Once you have identified the action signals you are experiencing, you move to the next step. That being …

Step 2. Change Your Perception or Procedure


Now that you have identified your action signals, you should either change your perception (style of thinking / your feelings) or change your procedure (behavioral pattern). Doing this will help you to control your emotions better.

Written by Joanne Wellington for Medium2spirit.com                                        

Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

Copyright © 2020 joannewellington,com

Be Kind, honest, loving and true!

Guys, do NOT underestimate kindness. In a world filled with cynics and chauvinists, a real person appreciates kindness and chivalry. It speaks volumes…Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. You just never know the true IMPACT you have on those around you just by being true.

Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙