To forgive takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger.

To forgive really is divine. It takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger. It’s much easier to hold a grudge. Yet when we make the choice and allow ourselves to put aside that anger and to forgive those who have harmed us, we actually do ourselves a great service. Making the conscious decision to let go of pain is the beginning of healing. But doing so is challenging because it is easy to become attached to seeing oneself as a victim and to hold onto resentment, even when the person who has harmed us is genuinely sorry. Forgiving someone is both one of the most difficult and one of the most spiritually rewarding choices we can make.            

While forgiveness is a noble act, expressing true forgiveness is empowering because it helps us to stop feeling like victims and to dispel our own suffering at having been wronged. Our levels of anger and hostility decreases while our capacity to love increases.We are better able to control our anger and we have an enhanced capacity to trust. We are freed from the control of past events, which can help us to stop repeating negative behaviour. Both our physical and mental health improves. Though many people feel forgiveness is something that must be asked for or earned by another, forgiveness is actually a gift you give to yourself…..  

Have a good day. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏💙

 Copyright © 2020 Joannewellington.com

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

6 SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being. In an abusive relationship your partner constantly makes you feel less than a normal person so that they can control you.

Abuse in a relationship is about control where your partner does all they can to control you using either physical and/or emotional abuse. Based on that definition you may find shades of abuse in most relationships when angry people say or do things that they may not mean but what sets them apart from abusive and unhealthy relationships is that here the abuse is infrequent while in abusive relationships the abuse is the normal state of things.

In an abusive and unhealthy relationship your normal everyday reality is a constant tearing down of who you are through verbal abuse or emotional manipulation and/or physical violence. So what are the red flags of an abusive and unhealthy relationship?

1. They controls what you do and what you think. In a very real sense they are master over you as they controls what you do, the people you see and what you feel most of the time. They do this using fear of specific consequences which they have trained you to dread.  Think of it like being on an invisible leash which your partner holds by instilling fear of certain consequences from them if you go or do what they have not sanctioned.

You are thus afraid of any new situation as you don’t know how they will react and you are also afraid of familiar situations since anything can set them off. Are you living in constant fear of upsetting your partner or them hitting you for some vague reason? Are you plagued by fear of what your partner will do and does this determine what you do or don’t do? Then this is a noticeable red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 2. They determines who your friends are. To keep you firmly under there control your partner will make sure that nobody else can have any strong influence on you as that may weaken their hold over you so they alienates you from family, friends and social settings that they feel may threaten or challenge their hold over you.

They drive a wedge between you and your family, they disparage your friends and they emotionally blackmail you to give up ‘other’ activities besides themselves so that they are your only family, friend and life activity. Does that describe you? Does your partner have a tight rein on who you see or don’t see, where you can go etc. so that without their express approval you fear visiting even members of your family? If this is your reality then this is another red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 3. They gets worse with time instead of better. You may have stayed hoping against hope that your partner would change when they saw how much you really loved them and that you were doing all that they asked of you (and even more) but they seem to be getting more controlling and more abusive. Peace and happiness just eludes you in this relationship and the best that you get is the calm before the storm that comes between the abusive episodes.

You have come to slowly realise that you can never seem to make them happy since they seems to need to keep you in constant emotional turmoil so as to keep their hold over you. Does this describe you and your partner? If it does then this is a red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship. You need to realise that there is no possibility or hope of any lasting joy with your partner.

They cannot treat you well because their own demons do not allow them to do so and until they get long term professional help your only peace will be the calm in between the abusive episodes until the day that you and they are parted.

 4. Your needs are never considered. Since your relationship is by definition dysfunctional and one sided then your needs for love, intimacy, trust and security are either not met or they are distorted.

Love becomes their abuse since if they didn’t love you they wouldn’t abuse you and the more they abuse you the more they supposedly love you since only a person with deep feelings would abuse you so much. Intimacy is at their terms and it is geared at meeting their needs only and the fulfilment of yours is incidental.

Your only security is that they would protect you from others since you are their prey and like any other animal they are unwilling to share. If this describes your relationship then this is another red flag that you are certainly in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

If you would be honest with yourself, you would acknowledged to yourself that you are in this relationship to meet only your partner’s needs.

 5. You live in fear. A cloud of fear hangs over your head or is always somewhere within your vicinity. You live in a state of anxiety as you really don’t know what will set them off; all you know is that something will set them off sooner or later.

Sometimes the waiting for the abuse is almost as bad as the abuse itself since you know it’s on its way but you just don’t know from which direction it will come and the anxiety is almost crippling. If this describes your emotional state then this is a clear raised flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 6. You feel physically sick. All the emotional fretfulness and anxiety from the abuse is beginning to take its toil and you feel ill often. Your head hurts sometimes or your stomach or your back or some other part of your body. Every day there is a part of your body that is not functioning properly and you are also not sleeping properly. You feel bad about yourself and nothing about who you are gives you any joy. A red flag that the abusive relationship is beginning to have long term effects on you.

If these 6 red flag are a part of your relationship reality then know for sure that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship and you need to get out today. Don’t think about it, don’t imagine that things might change, don’t deceive yourself that this is love…just leave them today and never come back.  The longer you stay the harder it gets to leave since you get used to the abuse and before long it becomes normal for you and you begin to lose your sense of the wrongness of what they is doing to you.

Rosy Anderson – About the Author:
Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships.

Beware of abusive personalities who try to isolate you!

Hi! I think every great idea or post starts with a warm welcome, but this time its a little different for me. Because when it come a little to close for comfort to your own heart it is a little different don’t you think?.. Its a case of “been there and done that”and now you have to watch it happen right in front of your eyes to close ones that you love dearly, and you can’t do a dam thing about it.

Only they can when they are ready!

If not…Then life has its way of forcing you back on to the right path one way or another or sometimes even out altogether” meaning not making it in this life at all!..

Emotionally abusive people are

Conditioned to make us feel that they are superior and that we don’t deserve them. They make us feel like we deserve to be treated the way we are and that we are lucky to be in a relationship with them. They are masters at manipulating the way we feel.

Emotionally abusive BEHAVIOUR

Is when something is said, implied, or done to intentionally hurt someone’s feelings on a consistent basis over and over again over an extended period of time. The day-to-day bickering, teasing, insulting or other negative behaviours do happen in ordinary relationships. However, a pattern of emotionally hurtful behaviour can eventually evolve into an emotionally abusive relationship. 

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner makes you feel like you’re not good enough, calls you names or puts you down all the time, threatens or intimidates you, or you fear your partner leaving you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, recognise that you cannot change your partner and it is best to seek help and leave the relationship as soon as possible “you know now rather than later”.

Beware of

Abusive personalities who try to isolate you from family members and friends and dominate your life almost or completely.

These control freaks

Are smooth talkers. They are convincing and persuasive Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’s. They represent themselves one way publicly but behind closed doors ~they transform!!

If you manage to escape them,

They will beg and plead to get you back. They may even try to convince you that they will change or that they are sorry. It is a lie. They will never really change. It is simply a ploy to get you back in their icy grip.

being abused does make it much more likely that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur!!

look Life is just too short

Do not allow yourself to be abused mentally, emotionally, financially or physically to this point. Please these people are dangerous. The longer you stay with them, the harder it is to get away.

If they threaten to injure you…believe them. Run. Do not look back. Do not waste good, valuable, irreplaceable time trying to change them.

Use that energy to change yourself and put yourself in a different situation. Create an escape plan to get away…and GO! Cut off all communication and work on yourself for a while. Strengthen all aspects of your life. And if you have children PLEASE! do i need to say any more except click that link you just past!! ☝

Create some new relationships where you are loved, valued and treated with respect.

If you begin to notice the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, whether it’s you or someone you care about, seek professional help. Just because the relationship isn’t violent yet, doesn’t mean it won’t escalate and you should get a clear understanding of the situation from someone trained to help everyone stay safe.

You deserve a better life!! Create it!

Have a good week Wishing you health, peace and empowerment to always try your best.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

Copyright © 2020 joannewellington,com

Being Realistic is awesome’ I found a pot of gold.

she♥~”If you have someone who understands you, who is patient with you, who loves you genuinely, who cares about you, who respects you, who is proud of you, who doesn’t take a day without calling or texting you, who never fails to fix time for you, who fears to lose you. Please love that person. Don’t take his or her care & love for granted because such people are very rare to find these days. Don’t let such a person slip out of your hands over minor disagreements. If you are the one in wrong admit and ask for FORGIVENESS. Handle that person with delicacy. Be there for him or her. Do whatever it takes for both of you to last forever. Be open to that person. Don’t be so nagging to such a person. Be trustworthy, faithful and appreciative.~ ♥

~J W~

“A reason why we do not regard others as precious.

“A reason why we do not regard others as precious is that we pay great attention to their faults whilst ignoring their positive qualities.Unfortunately we have become very skilled in recognizing the faults of others, and we devote a great deal of mental energy to listing them, analyzing them, and even meditating on them!

And then spend time putting others down. With this critical attitude, if we disagree with our partner, Lover or colleagues about something, instead of trying to understand their point of view we repeatedly think of many reasons why we are right and they are wrong. By focusing exclusively on their faults and limitations we become angry and resentful, and rather than cherishing them we develop the wish to harm or discredit them.

In this way small disagreements can easily turn into conflicts that simmer for months and even years. We can communicate happiness, acceptance and compassion to others by not doing great acts of devotion and self-sacrifice (Which often lead to great resentment).

But by the simple absence of fault-finding and censure, by being ready to empathize with their notions and feelings, instead of forcing them to conform with ours. We can LISTEN quietly and seek to UNDERSTAND!”  Try it today

 

Stop trying to analyse situations your way all the time !!

Step outside the box!.

 

~LET GO. Pain. Hurt. Grief. Anger. Ache. Agony. Affliction. Resentment. Madness. Rejection. Fear. Pride. Ego. Expectations. Tears. Attachments. Disappointments. Torture. Torment. Trouble. Wound. Irritation. Misery. Vengeance. Selfishness.~

~ALLOW: Acceptance. Compassion. Devotion. Fidelity. Enchantment. Humility. Friendship. Delight. Respect. Trust. Honesty. Kindness. Flame. Charity. Goodness. Grace. Patience. Sweetness. Thoughtfulness. Understanding. Tenderness. Yearning. Heal yourself and LOVE!.. Every thought you think takes you forwards so think wisely.~

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Written by Joanne Wellington for Mediums World

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