Thinking a lot about this as so many people are going through or have recently been through this, its a hard time for these people, I remember well when my marriage ended after 14 years, thinking your on the right track, then bang, they walk out the door, leaving this trail of heart ache and devastation not only to you, but to family and friends, everyone is affected when this happens. I remember times of being suicidal, to the point where I had a councillor come to my home each week, feeling like no one else will make you happy, the fears that come with starting that new journey are both daunting and scary and if your life me and have children, there are those questions, will they like my children, will they love my children, will my children like and love that person so many things running around ones head, not wanting to move on, hoping and praying they come back, begging for them to come back, willing to change as a person to get that person back……………………………..
So where do we start when this happens, first thing I learnt was I had to look at why, was I really happy with him anyway……………. no, was the relationship the best in the world…………………….. no, what was it that I was so scared of, what was I trying to hold on too, well sometimes something is better than nothing, there is a comfort zone, knowing who you are with, knowing where you stand even when your not totally happy its better than the alternative.
The amount of people that I have asking for readings asking if they will come back, wont find anyone else, that’s it now no more, cant do this again, why has this happened, lots and lots of questions running around ones head, answers needed to help.
If there is one thing I have learnt, that people come in our lives for a reason, sometimes it is to help each other, sometimes to experience love, sometimes to just learn lessons, no matter what there is always something good to take from the relationship and equally there is something to learn from it. the way I got through my divorce was to really look at the whole thing, I was never truly happy, but not happy to leave myself, so really he did me a favour, at the time though had anyone said that I could not have even comprehended that to be the case, I needed to come to that conclusion myself. so then I looked at what I could learn, ok so I have learnt to not just go into a relationship because I care, because they make me feel good at that time, I have learnt that I will only accept the best, and not take second best, I have learnt, that if a relationship ends, that’s how it is, its meant to be, what is more important is the healing phase, finding yourself again like I had too, no point trying to force someone to be with you, is that really going to make a good happy relationship later………………. I think not
We cant change the past, but we can the future, so what can we bring forward into a new relationship, simply ourselves, its not good carrying all those scars, holding on to what other people have done to you in the past, and no relationship will work when you do that, again its about healing, one persons loss is another ones gain.
Look at what your scared of, what is so scary about a new relationship, for me it was about someone accepting and loving me for me, the rejection dating can bring etc, there is that saying feel the fear and do it anyway. Self love is important, if you don’t love you, how can someone else truly love you.
I guess what I am trying to say is, if I can get over a 14 year marriage, stay friends with him, and go on my own journey, and find love again, and its not a love like I had in the past, it is much better than that, the relationship is different and stronger, I am happier now than I have been in my whole life, so when I look back was it really so wrong my ex husband left me for someone else?? Hell no she got my left over’s where as I started a new life.
What will be will be, if it was a mistake that person will come back to you, let them come back, but don’t put your life on hold, get out there, heal, be happy, and if that person doesn’t come back, trust me and believe me when I say to you, that you will find a greater love, and happiness than what you thought you could ever experience. I gave myself a time limit, when that clock struck midnight on new years eve, that was it for me, no more tears, no more begging, no more nothing it was going to be about me and my children, taking control is important too x
A Few things to ponder on
Is he/ she really giving you what you want and need?
Was the relationship really a happy one?
What are you actuall missing by not being in the relationship?
What are you truly scared of now?
What have you learnt from this relationship, that you can take forward in a positive way in a new relationship?
Are you ready for a new relationship?
If so what are you doing about it, sitting at home waiting wont make it happen you have to work at it, getting out and about, being on line dating sites etc?
Is there a pattern to your relationships that keep failing, is it the type of person? is there something you have not healed from?
Look at what you really want need and desreve
Is that person ticking all the boxes?
Are you paying attention to warning signs but ignoring them?
Have you forgiven the people that have hurt you in the past so that you can truly move on?
Do you love yourself enough, to be able to let another person love you?
Well that is my ramble for today; I hope it helps even if it is just one person
Lots of love, and healing to all those going through a hard time right now xx
Written by Anne Marie Psychic-Medium
- How to deal with your break up after many years “appropriately!!!” (joannewellington.wordpress.com)