What is normal?

I have been thinking a lot about the word ‘normal’ lately

And have been catching up on my feed reading where I have found a mountain of people struggling with situations caused by this word ‘normal’. Whether it be in relation to sexuality and where you fit on the Kinsey scale or whether it be about being gay or whether it be about what is normal for a person of your age it is all very confusing.

Normal, is often perceived by social norms but even that is flawed because it is influenced by how we were raised, the groups we associated with and our personal belief structures. For example I don’t see people who enjoy going out and getting drunk as “normal” or stealing for a living ,challenging and wanting one up on the other all the time however someone who has grown up around that or socialises with people who do that may see that as “normal”  Culturally issues such as being gay may not be seen as normal because it is not common amongst peoples circles and the thousands of years of conditioning that people have received.

I have found that as individuals we each decide what we consider normal. In saying that I have found there is no such thing. Normal simply does not exist. I don’t want to play semantics but to me what we are really saying when we use the word normal or say that some action is not normal is that it doesn’t fit into our reality or it doesn’t fit with what I want in my reality. At this point we can either accept the differences, compromise on behaviours or discard people and situations that don’t meet our idea of normal (reality but loss).

Consider this next time you use the word normal and although I know there are a million scenarios and justifications both legitimate and not, I think and feel the word is just too ambiguous and most of the time doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I just had mention this By society’s conventional standards A very simple idea that can be used to classify abnormal behaviour is personal distress. Basically, if a person is content with their life, then they are of no concern to the mental health field. However, if a person’s thoughts or behaviours are causing them personal discomfort or unhappiness, then they will be considered by the professionals as abnormal.

From small babies to elderly grandparents we have a duty.

The family unit is an inescapable feature of our everyday life .While families should be fundamental to our feelings of wellbeing, they can also be sources of great tension. Whether your problem is troublesome teens, interfering in-laws, competing siblings, demanding parents or ill-mannered children, our guide to family life is an essential tool for domestic survival and it does matter how and what values  you want to choose to put in to
your children before you even start.

Children’s manners are getting worse. Table manners are a thing of the past, respect for elders and parents themselves is out of the window, and so on.

We teach our children to walk, we teach them to talk and, if we want our children to interact  successfully, we teach them manners: not just elbows-in, saying-thank-you manners but how to rub along happily with others – both peers and those of all generations, backgrounds and abilities, and this is what we would consider as normal just remember this: “In children, you will get back what values you put into them ”the same  also works for relationships”.

For parents.

Always try your upmost to lead by example, teach good foundations which is most important. Notice what you dislike in yourself and don’t teach it your children. Be polite at all times, listen carefully if you don’t listen to your children how  do you expect then to listen to you, if you’re a shouting parent you will have shouting kids, act deferentially towards the elderly, show consideration for people in public places of all races. Your
good manners and attitude will inevitably rub off on your children and may bring “back respect” from the lost generation .

From my own experiences of becoming a mother I have learnt the biggest difficulties of today are that no matter what values we do teach our children they are still up against the challenge of the word ” normal” and what is normal as they are always around influences of all sorts. As I said earlier in the article as individuals we each decide what we consider normal… “Normal simply does not exist or does it?”

your views would be most appreciated.

Written by Joanne Wellington for meadum2spirit

Copyright © 2020 JoanneWellington.com copyright  all Rights Reserved.

Human leech problem…Is the process becoming one-sided?

“The Human Leech is whiny”. It thrives on pity and sympathy. The Leech will do anything to gain the sympathy of those


in its surroundings, and hurt those that are not, even if it has to make itself look sad and pathetic. The leech is persistent they will wear you down It’s just the way they are unfortunately for this lifetime and probably Meany more depending on what mind set they are at now!

” GET RID OF THEM!!! You can’t help people that don’t want to be helped”

Human leeches are those people who continually want more from us no matter how much we give them. Yet they refuse to reciprocate our efforts in any appropriate or meaningful ways.

Leeching possibilities are diverse and endless. It could be a grown daughter constantly asks us to baby-sit or to continue to provide for them as you did when children and is incensed when we decline. A neighbour routinely needs us to perform favours or lend him tools, or even expect you to abide by their rules of living yet never offers to feed our cat when we’re away. A co-worker is always happy to join us for happy hour, but disappears when it’s his turn to pick up the tab, in some cases they may offer to be nice to you in some way lend you something and expect a dedicated relationship for there good deed or expect an awful lot form it this is not in there good will its to trap you.

Whatever the circumstances, the result is always the same. Energy in the relationship travels one way. Recipients of leeching feel resentful. They feel they’re being taken for a ride. They long to stop the drain on their time, emotions and finances. Yet they’re frequently at a loss about how to stanch the flow.

Leeching creates a subtle stress that’s often unrecognized until it’s out of control. Many report feeling guilty saying “no” to the leeches’ demands. They dread hurting the chronic takers’ feelings. They worry about damaging the relationship. In truth, leeches don’t respect us anyway not in any way. Our relationships are contorted at best. They only want what we can give them. When the supply runs low, they happily move on to someone else.

Most of us are happy to help others. We’re eager to chip in wherever we can. We have no problem hosting the softball pasta feed on our patio or buying groceries for an ill friend. But if that giving goes on for an extended period of time or if our efforts are underappreciated, hostility starts to creep in. The process becomes one-sided. We know we’re being used.

Of course, sometimes the involved parties aren’t on an equal footing. They can’t give back as much as they get. A frail mother who has broken her hip is going to require on-going attention from her middle-aged offspring. She can’t possibly reciprocate their behaviour.

In those situations, it’s necessary for the adult children to care for the parent, making sure that she is safe and adequately cared for. Hopefully their own children will follow in their footsteps and be kind and attentive as their folks age. It’s important to remember that leeches can’t suck us dry unless we let them. Yes, leeches have poor boundaries. They don’t understand proper protocol. They see no problem continually asking for favours as long as others are willing to comply.

But they must have willing targets who cave in to their insatiable needs. They’re adept at scanning the emotional waters to learn who is willing to give them what they want. Then, once they’ve located a potential host spot, they attach their suckers and refuse to let go.

Tips for losing human leeches

Want to rid your life of leeches once and for all? Try these techniques:

Recognize leeching behaviour. Does someone always make demands on your money or time? Are they unappreciative about what you do? Do you feel resentful about what they’re asking? Do you have trouble setting limits on your relationship? Then you’re involved with a human leech. Do something about it now!

• Avoid over giving. Leeches prey on people who make giving a way of life. Yes, charity is honourable. But don’t chronically overextend. Give only what you comfortably can. Save ample emotional and physical resources for yourself.

• Decide on your personal boundaries. Leeches want you to feel pressured so you’ll say “yes” to their every demand. Instead, back away. Say, “I’ll let you know tomorrow.” Next, go home and analyse what you really want to do. Remember, you’re in charge.

• Practice the 2+1+1 rule. Have trouble setting limits with others? Use this sure-fire ploy: When asked to do something you don’t want to do, say two positive statements (i.e. “Thanks for thinking of me. You know I’d love to help.”), followed by your limit (“But I’m not able to volunteer at this time.”) and one more positive statement (“Hope the event goes well.”).

• Quiet guilt. You fret that your “no” will damage the relationship. Calm your fears. You’re doing the right thing, protecting your boundaries while teaching your leech an invaluable lesson.

• Don’t cave in to leeches’ ranting. Human leeches are accustomed to having their way. If they put up a fuss, feel free to ignore them. They’ll eventually stop whining and move on to someone else they can suck dry.

Leeches ~Are ruled by the green eye monster within them.

Seven steps to reduce your ego,

Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

Copyright © 2020 joannewellington.com

Being Realistic is awesome’ I found a pot of gold.

she♥~”If you have someone who understands you, who is patient with you, who loves you genuinely, who cares about you, who respects you, who is proud of you, who doesn’t take a day without calling or texting you, who never fails to fix time for you, who fears to lose you. Please love that person. Don’t take his or her care & love for granted because such people are very rare to find these days. Don’t let such a person slip out of your hands over minor disagreements. If you are the one in wrong admit and ask for FORGIVENESS. Handle that person with delicacy. Be there for him or her. Do whatever it takes for both of you to last forever. Be open to that person. Don’t be so nagging to such a person. Be trustworthy, faithful and appreciative.~ ♥

~J W~

Letting Go Of Your Past

Sometimes we spend a chunk of our lives looking back on what was. We are stuck remembering and holding onto something that is no more. We reflect on old issues, remembering things that have happened and moments that have passed. Why do we do this; why is it so important to us that it, in a way, consumes us? What benefit is there from spending so much time reflecting and remembering? Sometimes it seems like our mind wanders there on its own, without our consent. We could be busy, occupied with something else, and all of a sudden we are thinking of our past and once again drawn into a moment that is gone. Why do we do this? Because we haven’t let go of what was, and because we do not fully understand it.

Let-Your-PastWe hold onto moments that have affected us, moments that were hard for us or emotionally difficult, and we also hold onto what we don’t understand. Think about it, how often do you spend time remembering the great moments, the moments where all went well and everything was great? Those memories are wonderful and they should be the ones to pop up so that we can feel good and be happy. But no, this is not what we do, for we understand those moments, nothing confuses us, and therefore they are rarely looked at. We look at the ones we don’t understand because our mind is trying to figure them out. Why was it so hard, why did it hurt us so much, what could I have done differently? Why did I do what I did, or why did someone else do that to me? All these questions are being run through our memories because we are trying to understand and make sense of what happened to us. We may not get the answers, but we continue to try and we fixate on certain moments.

Do you ever find yourself reflecting on the same event over and over? One moment that was hard for you and emotionally trying? You are either trying to make sense of that moment or you haven’t chosen to let it go. For if we understand it and we still replay it over, then we are choosing to be stuck with it. You can look at it in two ways, either you are choosing to hold onto something that no longer exists because you want to or because you don’t understand it. There is one way to solve both of these problems. It is acceptance; it is that pure and that simple. If you want to be at peace with your past, accept it completely. Accept that you don’t understand it and probably never will, and then be okay with that by accepting the idea that you cannot solve it.

By accepting our past, we in turn let it go; we can let go of the moments that hurt us and we still hold onto. By accepting that it did happen, we let it go. We try to avoid this kind of acceptance, we really do, that is why we spend so much time in our past. Acceptance holds a lot of power; it not only releases, but it sends us into a much more clear and open place, one without fear, worry, or hindrances of any kind. By accepting, we are not only setting ourselves free, but we are opening ourselves up. Think about all the space you could have in your mind and in your heart if it were not filled by those trying memories. Think about how much more peaceful you could feel without that one memory that keeps bugging you. By eliminating those trying and hurtful memories, we are allowing ourselves to move on and live life in the present. Accept and be free.

 – About the Author:

Find your true self, and learn how to truly be in the moment at Answers in Writing.

Adam Benedetto and Zoe Young are both dedicated to enabling others to reach their full potential in life, to help others release what is holding them back, and to find their true selves. Through years of experience and development, both have sought out the answers we all need to find peace, understand ourselves, and reach enlightenment.

“A reason why we do not regard others as precious.

“A reason why we do not regard others as precious is that we pay great attention to their faults whilst ignoring their positive qualities.Unfortunately we have become very skilled in recognizing the faults of others, and we devote a great deal of mental energy to listing them, analyzing them, and even meditating on them!

And then spend time putting others down. With this critical attitude, if we disagree with our partner, Lover or colleagues about something, instead of trying to understand their point of view we repeatedly think of many reasons why we are right and they are wrong. By focusing exclusively on their faults and limitations we become angry and resentful, and rather than cherishing them we develop the wish to harm or discredit them.

In this way small disagreements can easily turn into conflicts that simmer for months and even years. We can communicate happiness, acceptance and compassion to others by not doing great acts of devotion and self-sacrifice (Which often lead to great resentment).

But by the simple absence of fault-finding and censure, by being ready to empathize with their notions and feelings, instead of forcing them to conform with ours. We can LISTEN quietly and seek to UNDERSTAND!”  Try it today

 

Stop trying to analyse situations your way all the time !!

Step outside the box!.

 

~LET GO. Pain. Hurt. Grief. Anger. Ache. Agony. Affliction. Resentment. Madness. Rejection. Fear. Pride. Ego. Expectations. Tears. Attachments. Disappointments. Torture. Torment. Trouble. Wound. Irritation. Misery. Vengeance. Selfishness.~

~ALLOW: Acceptance. Compassion. Devotion. Fidelity. Enchantment. Humility. Friendship. Delight. Respect. Trust. Honesty. Kindness. Flame. Charity. Goodness. Grace. Patience. Sweetness. Thoughtfulness. Understanding. Tenderness. Yearning. Heal yourself and LOVE!.. Every thought you think takes you forwards so think wisely.~

Also view Mediums World .

Written by Joanne Wellington for Mediums World

Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.

 

Our Wandering Minds….

How To Stay Present When Your Mind Wanders

eyeOur mind seems to wander on its own, seeming to escape our abilities to tame it. How do we go about harnessing our thoughts and controlling our mind so that we can be present? This is a very good question and one that many have tried to answer. But there is no one answer, for it really comes down to you, not the path others have taken. Very often our own patterns of thought are stuck on a very personal cycle, repeating in patterns only known to us. And this is the essential component in releasing your thoughts and calming your mind. What one thinks about, what often comes to mind when you are not paying attention, is the key. You will find it is usually the same subject matter, if not the same thought occurring over and over again. These thoughts tell you what you are concerned about, or rather what you tend to focus on in life.

We create our thoughts, maybe not on purpose, but we are giving ourselves something to think about. When we let our mind wander like this, we tend to create stress and worry. We create a bigger issue in our minds than what really exists. Even if we are not aware of what we are doing, subconsciously we are manifesting stress and worry because we are focusing too much on one thing. We respond to this, that is why we may feel tense or worried without knowing why.

We can learn from our thoughts by seeing what concerns us when we are not paying attention. What do you think about when you are not really focused? What issues come up, and what keeps replaying over and over in your mind? Now this could be something you need to deal with internally by letting go of it, in order to quiet your mind. It may also just show you what you think is important. But do you really believe it is important? Maybe these are old thoughts that you feel don’t concern you anymore. Perhaps you can release them now that you understand why you have them. The real question is do you believe them, the concerns you mind plays with and struggles with?

Sometimes we are aware of what is really important in life and yet our mind will concern itself with what it wants. Once you pull yourself back and take an objective look at what your thought cycle is, you can understand it better. Just by looking at our thoughts we can stop the pattern and let it go. Understanding yourself a little better and seeing your thoughts as patterns helps release their importance because subconsciously we may believe them, pay attention to them, and even become overworked by them. Not only do we become distracted from the moment, but we also lose sight of what is important and real.

Do we believe our scattered thoughts, do we pay attention to them, do we let them rule our subconscious? Or do we objectively see what the issue is and release the cycle ourselves. It is not about breaking the cycle so much as it is about understanding it and then releasing it. So the next time you are not paying attention to your thoughts check in and see what they are about. Continue to do this, noticing if they are repetitive and what the main issue seems to be. Next find the connection it really has to you. Is it old, new, or part of something you have always had to deal with? Is it something that needs to be dealt with, or is it something you simply no longer need to think about? When we consciously release our thoughts, they will filter out of our subconscious. We can even quiet our mind and let it relax. When we take away our issues, our mind can slip into a more relaxed state, and we become relaxed as well. You will feel more at ease and even feel less worried in life. Instead of fighting your thoughts, speculate on their origins, question your attachments to that issue, and then let them go.

~J.W~