Lets talk about self-pity…

Lets talk about self pity...the answer is really worth its weight in gold if found, if we want to be happy we have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and stop wallowing in self pity if you think  about it we all enjoy doing it.

Lets talk about self-pity…the answer is really worth its weight in gold if found.

Lets talk about self-pity…the answer is really worth its weight in gold if found. If we want to be  happy we have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and stop wallowing in self-pity. If you think  about it we all enjoy doing it and we do it way more than we consciously realise.. self-pity is a  soul emotion that clouds our happiness and I invite you to consider that for a  second.. because self-pity is a very unique emotion that eats up everything all around us except itself, leaving itself on its own little island… bitter and angry and sticking up for its own  values..

Self-pity does feel good at first because it reminds us of  hey you know the worlds so cruel and  life’s dealt us a bad hand, we are just not worthy, and that might be true in some cases but  its pretty pointless and it’s not really going to help us.. Let go of self-pity… It’s all about being responsible for your thoughts and actions again and you will  automatically clear those grey clouds shielding you from true happiness.

We sometimes go into the self-pity mode when we get to a point in life, and there are  guaranteed to be a couple, we have all been there, many of us on a daily basis. It is terrible  sometimes when we feel the world is caving in, when things go wrong all at once and we start  to feel sorry for ourselves and we realise ” Gee ” life isn’t really that good and isn’t treating us very well and  maybe we are not worth anything.

Maybe things are just destined to not work out for us, and then we feel sorry for ourselves and just wallow in that self-pity, and it’s quite ironic because it makes us feel  good temporarily, we sort of think “hey yeah I was right!” so there’s a little sort of quite positive  feedback from the negativity. But as you move forward slowly that self-pity, that feeling sorry for yourself, turns very bitter and gets worse and worse then you find that people around you who are trying to help are changing towards you but STOP is it really them…?

hmm… but then again it is hard to forgive the people who innocently push your buttons instead you get angry with them when  you are wallowing in self.

Really it’s not good for our well-being at all …you  just have try as much as possible to stop feeling sorry for yourself and you’ll very rarely have a reason for sadness its bad for all long-term.  You’ll enjoy and have more happiness in your life if  you could just remember it is just a part of  life  not the whole of it. We are always dipping into happiness and sadness and we do need both sides of this coin in order to know the difference.

To help us forward ourselves and all around us  we need to endure sadness but not hold it and not for long periods of time not even a whole day if you can help it.. we have to embrace the duality of it and be gentle with ourselves.

Written by Joanne Wellington
 Copyright © 2020 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.


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How To Get Happiness Back In Your Life:

How to get happiness back in your life ~ Eleven simple questions you can ask yourself today that will inspire you to look for the good in life.

11 Best Questions To Ask Yourself

Eleven simple questions you can ask yourself today that will inspire you to look for the good in life — things that are already working in your life now, and will make you appreciate and recognise them for their benefit and value. These questions will teach you how to get happiness back in your life by focusing on the right things.

As life gets busy or when sudden misfortunes arise, these things are sometimes overlooked and left unnoticed amidst the chaos of everyday living. Take the time to answer these questions below and feel how much you have to be thankful for right now. This will help shift your perspective by looking for what’s satisfying wherever you are, instead of what is missing, lacking, or not working. Let’s jump right in!

Question 1:

Who are the people I feel blessed to have met in my life?

This could be a family member, a friend, a teacher or mentor, or even a new acquaintance who has helped you in one way or another. As you take the time to name them one by one, feel the gratitude for having attracted them into your life and the appreciation for the unique being that they are to you. This could be anyone you have met in person or online, who has given or taught you something of value and assisted you in becoming a better person.

Question 2:

What things do I have right now that makes my life comfortable?

Look around you right now and notice what brings you comfort wherever you are. This could be the simplest things like the bed you slept on last night, the roof above your head, the relaxing bath you had this morning, or the meals that made your tummy satisfied. Up to the things you once desired that you now enjoy, like a fast internet connection, your access to a wide range of products and services all over the world, the ease of communicating to anyone regardless of distance, and the variety of avenues for pleasure and entertainment available to you.

Question 3:

What qualities or skills have I developed over time that I feel proud to have now?

This could be qualities such as kindness or generosity that you have practiced and has become the trait that people like about you. Or it could be your cleanliness or superb organizational skills that you just feel proud to be good at. Or it could be that you are a good listener and friends are comfortable to share stories with you, that you are humorous and fun to be around because you are very lighthearted and don’t take things too seriously that much, or that you are an avid learner and you just enjoy improving yourself in many areas of life. These qualities are very valuable to have but are oftentimes not given enough credit for what they’re worth.

Question 4:

What experiences have I had in my life that made me better than I was before?

These are experiences you have gone through in the past that make you feel thankful for the valuable lessons and insights they have provided for you. Recognizing them will make you see your experiences in a good light and the “blessings in disguise” that are present in those seeming contradictions in life. This could be your past relationships that have ended but made you love yourself even more, or a lost job opportunity which eventually led you to discover what you truly wanted to pursue in life.

Question 5:

What are the things I enjoy and love doing that I am able to do, either regularly or occasionally?

What things make you feel joyful and excited as you do them, and which you are capable and free to do from time to time? Maybe it’s reading a book by your favorite author, watching movies you like, trying out a new recipe by your favorite celebrity chef, buying a new wardrobe for yourself, or just laughing out loud with your friends over a cup of coffee. These could be simple but meaningful things you’re able to do from the comfort of your home, or alongside other people from time to time.

Question 6:

What desires, big or small, do I have in the past that I am already living right now?

These are desires that you want at one point in your life that have already manifested for you. It’s time to look back and remember the things you once wanted in the past that you already possess today. Perhaps a desire to take a cooking or art class, or your desire to start your own blog, or to improve your self-confidence and communication skills. It could also be opening up your first savings account or starting on your diet program. This could be any baby step that you’ve already accomplished for yourself or have successfully ticked off on your wish list.

Question 7:

What unique things do I like about me?

What personality trait or ability do you like most about you? What makes you distinctly who you are? Maybe having a very unique laugh that many find funny and contagious, or possessing a great memory that you find it very easy to retain information, or even being good at analyzing directions and navigating the road especially in new places. Look for these characteristics in yourself, and feel your self-love and self-esteem grow as you recognize your own hidden genius.

Question 8:

What made me smile or laugh today?

Think of three things that made you feel good today. Could be a Facebook post from a friend that made you laugh so hard, a very adorable baby on your Instagram feed, a surprise call or message from a distant relative you haven’t talked to for awhile, or just the nice and comfortable weather as you’re relaxing at home today. Notice these subtle things around you that are worth feeling grateful for today.

Question 9:

What things worked out for me this week?

These are things at home or at work that went smoothly and successfully for you. Your laundry finished on time, check. Your weekly house cleaning done, check. Requirements for a certain project already submitted, check. Groceries for the week done and complete, check.

And as you notice all the things working out, you will vibrate toward success and appreciation more and more. This will create more good things coming to you with great success as well.

Question 10:

What kind of help have I offered anyone, tangible or intangible?

What good things have you done for somebody else? Offering helpful advice for a friend in need, assisting a co-worker on a certain project you have some knowledge about, giving directions to a stranger who’s new in town, offering food to a homeless child, donating your old clothes to charity, or even just giving a helping hand to your mom as she’s doing household chores. Notice that as you offer help and kindness to another, you are also giving that positive energy to yourself.

Question 11:

What do I appreciate about life in general?

This last question will allow you to look from a broader perspective of your life and take note of the things that feel good about being alive, here and now. These can include the most general things such as the sun coming up this morning, your heart continuously beating, nature continuously growing to support life, or your body effortlessly functioning and doing well without your supervision. Notice all of this magic in life, and feel how blessed and worthy you are to be alive at this time.

Conclusion

Big or small, your every answer to these questions is counted, and each one adds up to the blessings that are continuously piling up for you. In time, it will be easy for you to know how to get happiness back in your life whenever you fall back into unhappiness thinking.

What you focus upon grows. So make it your daily habit to continuously focus on the good that is already in your life and watch it grow to even bigger, greater things. And in time, you will gradually lean towards looking for the good in life and always seeing your world in a positive light.

I am inviting you to download my “10 Affirmations To Recite Daily And Start Your Day Right” to keep a positive mindset as you start each day. You can go here https://bit.ly/2Vh4hCA 


Article written by Iona Kristina

Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com

Chain’s of Habits.

OUR HABITS, OUR DAILY BEHAVIOURS. Determine how we view ourselves. How we view ourselves directly effects the choices we make.
Habit

Our habits, our daily behaviours

Our Habits, Our Daily Behaviour determine how we view ourselves. How we view ourselves directly effects the choices we make.

“If I view myself as a runner, I run. If I view myself as a fighter, I fight. If I view myself as someone who never follows through, I quit. If I view myself as someone who finds joy in everything, I look for joy. If I view myself as a success, I always look for solutions and follow through with determination and perseverance… quitting is not an option”.

The choices we make daily

determine the quality of our lives. When you make what seems like a harmless decision to repeat an action, thought, words or behaviour, you are laying the solid foundation that habits are built on.

The power in habits is absolutely life altering and… we have the ability to choose our habits.

Never underestimate the power in the little choices you repeatedly make,

It is here that your potential for joy, health and happiness lies. Unleash your true potential, own your power and examine your choices.

Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

What is normal?

I have been thinking a lot about the word ‘normal’ lately

And have been catching up on my feed reading where I have found a mountain of people struggling with situations caused by this word ‘normal’. Whether it be in relation to sexuality and where you fit on the Kinsey scale or whether it be about being gay or whether it be about what is normal for a person of your age it is all very confusing.

Normal, is often perceived by social norms but even that is flawed because it is influenced by how we were raised, the groups we associated with and our personal belief structures. For example I don’t see people who enjoy going out and getting drunk as “normal” or stealing for a living ,challenging and wanting one up on the other all the time however someone who has grown up around that or socialises with people who do that may see that as “normal”  Culturally issues such as being gay may not be seen as normal because it is not common amongst peoples circles and the thousands of years of conditioning that people have received.

I have found that as individuals we each decide what we consider normal. In saying that I have found there is no such thing. Normal simply does not exist. I don’t want to play semantics but to me what we are really saying when we use the word normal or say that some action is not normal is that it doesn’t fit into our reality or it doesn’t fit with what I want in my reality. At this point we can either accept the differences, compromise on behaviours or discard people and situations that don’t meet our idea of normal (reality but loss).

Consider this next time you use the word normal and although I know there are a million scenarios and justifications both legitimate and not, I think and feel the word is just too ambiguous and most of the time doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I just had mention this By society’s conventional standards A very simple idea that can be used to classify abnormal behaviour is personal distress. Basically, if a person is content with their life, then they are of no concern to the mental health field. However, if a person’s thoughts or behaviours are causing them personal discomfort or unhappiness, then they will be considered by the professionals as abnormal.

From small babies to elderly grandparents we have a duty.

The family unit is an inescapable feature of our everyday life .While families should be fundamental to our feelings of wellbeing, they can also be sources of great tension. Whether your problem is troublesome teens, interfering in-laws, competing siblings, demanding parents or ill-mannered children, our guide to family life is an essential tool for domestic survival and it does matter how and what values  you want to choose to put in to
your children before you even start.

Children’s manners are getting worse. Table manners are a thing of the past, respect for elders and parents themselves is out of the window, and so on.

We teach our children to walk, we teach them to talk and, if we want our children to interact  successfully, we teach them manners: not just elbows-in, saying-thank-you manners but how to rub along happily with others – both peers and those of all generations, backgrounds and abilities, and this is what we would consider as normal just remember this: “In children, you will get back what values you put into them ”the same  also works for relationships”.

For parents.

Always try your upmost to lead by example, teach good foundations which is most important. Notice what you dislike in yourself and don’t teach it your children. Be polite at all times, listen carefully if you don’t listen to your children how  do you expect then to listen to you, if you’re a shouting parent you will have shouting kids, act deferentially towards the elderly, show consideration for people in public places of all races. Your
good manners and attitude will inevitably rub off on your children and may bring “back respect” from the lost generation .

From my own experiences of becoming a mother I have learnt the biggest difficulties of today are that no matter what values we do teach our children they are still up against the challenge of the word ” normal” and what is normal as they are always around influences of all sorts. As I said earlier in the article as individuals we each decide what we consider normal… “Normal simply does not exist or does it?”

your views would be most appreciated.

Written by Joanne Wellington for meadum2spirit

Copyright © 2020 JoanneWellington.com copyright  all Rights Reserved.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

6 SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being. In an abusive relationship your partner constantly makes you feel less than a normal person so that they can control you.

Abuse in a relationship is about control where your partner does all they can to control you using either physical and/or emotional abuse. Based on that definition you may find shades of abuse in most relationships when angry people say or do things that they may not mean but what sets them apart from abusive and unhealthy relationships is that here the abuse is infrequent while in abusive relationships the abuse is the normal state of things.

In an abusive and unhealthy relationship your normal everyday reality is a constant tearing down of who you are through verbal abuse or emotional manipulation and/or physical violence. So what are the red flags of an abusive and unhealthy relationship?

1. They controls what you do and what you think. In a very real sense they are master over you as they controls what you do, the people you see and what you feel most of the time. They do this using fear of specific consequences which they have trained you to dread.  Think of it like being on an invisible leash which your partner holds by instilling fear of certain consequences from them if you go or do what they have not sanctioned.

You are thus afraid of any new situation as you don’t know how they will react and you are also afraid of familiar situations since anything can set them off. Are you living in constant fear of upsetting your partner or them hitting you for some vague reason? Are you plagued by fear of what your partner will do and does this determine what you do or don’t do? Then this is a noticeable red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 2. They determines who your friends are. To keep you firmly under there control your partner will make sure that nobody else can have any strong influence on you as that may weaken their hold over you so they alienates you from family, friends and social settings that they feel may threaten or challenge their hold over you.

They drive a wedge between you and your family, they disparage your friends and they emotionally blackmail you to give up ‘other’ activities besides themselves so that they are your only family, friend and life activity. Does that describe you? Does your partner have a tight rein on who you see or don’t see, where you can go etc. so that without their express approval you fear visiting even members of your family? If this is your reality then this is another red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 3. They gets worse with time instead of better. You may have stayed hoping against hope that your partner would change when they saw how much you really loved them and that you were doing all that they asked of you (and even more) but they seem to be getting more controlling and more abusive. Peace and happiness just eludes you in this relationship and the best that you get is the calm before the storm that comes between the abusive episodes.

You have come to slowly realise that you can never seem to make them happy since they seems to need to keep you in constant emotional turmoil so as to keep their hold over you. Does this describe you and your partner? If it does then this is a red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship. You need to realise that there is no possibility or hope of any lasting joy with your partner.

They cannot treat you well because their own demons do not allow them to do so and until they get long term professional help your only peace will be the calm in between the abusive episodes until the day that you and they are parted.

 4. Your needs are never considered. Since your relationship is by definition dysfunctional and one sided then your needs for love, intimacy, trust and security are either not met or they are distorted.

Love becomes their abuse since if they didn’t love you they wouldn’t abuse you and the more they abuse you the more they supposedly love you since only a person with deep feelings would abuse you so much. Intimacy is at their terms and it is geared at meeting their needs only and the fulfilment of yours is incidental.

Your only security is that they would protect you from others since you are their prey and like any other animal they are unwilling to share. If this describes your relationship then this is another red flag that you are certainly in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

If you would be honest with yourself, you would acknowledged to yourself that you are in this relationship to meet only your partner’s needs.

 5. You live in fear. A cloud of fear hangs over your head or is always somewhere within your vicinity. You live in a state of anxiety as you really don’t know what will set them off; all you know is that something will set them off sooner or later.

Sometimes the waiting for the abuse is almost as bad as the abuse itself since you know it’s on its way but you just don’t know from which direction it will come and the anxiety is almost crippling. If this describes your emotional state then this is a clear raised flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 6. You feel physically sick. All the emotional fretfulness and anxiety from the abuse is beginning to take its toil and you feel ill often. Your head hurts sometimes or your stomach or your back or some other part of your body. Every day there is a part of your body that is not functioning properly and you are also not sleeping properly. You feel bad about yourself and nothing about who you are gives you any joy. A red flag that the abusive relationship is beginning to have long term effects on you.

If these 6 red flag are a part of your relationship reality then know for sure that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship and you need to get out today. Don’t think about it, don’t imagine that things might change, don’t deceive yourself that this is love…just leave them today and never come back.  The longer you stay the harder it gets to leave since you get used to the abuse and before long it becomes normal for you and you begin to lose your sense of the wrongness of what they is doing to you.

Rosy Anderson – About the Author:
Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships.