Why do I have a hard time Letting Go and What To Do About It

WHY DO I HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING GO AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

WHY DO I HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING GO AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

We’ve all been blessed with heart-breaking situations where people have wronged us or things haven’t gone the way we would like.  Moving past them is difficult.

If you’ve ended a relationship, job or time in your life, it’s tough to let go and move on.  Your subconscious, or monkey mind, wants to hold onto it like a dog that won’t let go of a bone.  It wants to chew on it, gnaw and dig into the painful center of it.

Your logical mind gets sucked up into the drama of the monkey.  You start to think of “what if’s” and “if only’s” that your monkey mind creates to add even more drama and negative feelings.

It would be so much easier to just let go and move on with your life, but the monkey won’t let you.

You try to let go.  You move onto the next relationship or job.  Just when things seem to be going well again, the old thoughts start to arise again, sabotaging things.

Why is it so hard to let go?  Why is it so difficult to forgive and forget?

The Need to Be Right

Because you’ve been wronged and your monkey needs to prove itself right.  Safety is the monkey mind’s number one priority, and being wrong is not safe.

The monkey will go out of its way to dream up all the reasons that you were right and the other person or aspects of the situation were wrong.  It won’t let go of the need to be right.

But there you are, stuck in the middle with your monkey screeching in one ear and your wiser self whispering in the other, urging you to move on.

Letting go can be hard because it means letting go of aspects of your past – aspects of you.  It also means letting go of your expectations of how things should have been.

Letting go hints of being wrong or allowing someone else to be right (when you know that what they did was wrong).

Unfortunately, it’s all in the past and there’s nothing you can do about it.  The drama, the holding on, is in your own mind.

You are the only one with the power to let it go.

Rather than possibly admitting defeat and letting go, what if there were another way?  A more mindful way that has nothing to do with right and wrong. What if, instead of letting go, you simply let things be.

Allow them to be as they are.

Let It Be

The only meaning that anything has is the meaning you give it.

If you were wronged, it’s because you told yourself that you were, and then you make up a story about that.

One of the core tenets of mindfulness is to observe without judgment.

Making people or things right or wrong involves passing judgment on them.

Could you look at the situation differently or more objectively?  Could you create a different story about it?  What lessons could you then glean from the whole mess?  How could it help you?

Tapping can help you to safely face your painful past and remove the emotional sting.

There’s a saying that the only way past fear is through it.  All negative emotions are based in fear.  An inability to let go is based in fear.  If you weren’t afraid of letting go, you would have done it already.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. ~Thich Nhat Hanh”

Letting Go course

Simple Steps

Depending on the level of severity of the situation you’re dealing with, you may be able to work through the emotions on your own.  Here’s a process you can work through to loosen the grip of the “letting go” situation:

  1. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Give yourself at least 30 minutes (an hour would be better) as you won’t want to break the flow of the process.
  2. Sit in a relaxed position in a chair or on the floor.
  3. Close your eyes and take ten deep breaths to calm and centre yourself. Focus on the process of your breathing.  Don’t force it to be anything.  Just allow your body to breathe however it needs to.
  4. When you feel calm, think about the thing you want to let go of, the thing you want to release. Feel the feelings that come up.  Don’t hold anything back.
  5. Focus on the strongest feeling. Exactly where do you feel it in your body?  All emotions create homes in our bodies which create physical sensations (pain, heat, cold, numbness, tightness, etc.).
  6. Focus on the feeling in your body. Take time to understand exactly where it is and what the sensations are.  Don’t try to make them go away as this will only cause them to persist.  Objectively observe the sensation.  Describe it in as much detail as possible. As you do this, the sensation may change and evolve.  Stay with it.
  7. Once you’re clear on what and where the sensation is, ask it what message it’s trying to deliver. These types of messages come from your True Self and are there to help you grow and heal.  The message may or may not be words.  It may be colours, feelings, smells or any number of things.  Be open to whatever arises.  It may or may not be something that makes sense to you.  Don’t judge it as good, bad, right, wrong, crazy or anything else.  Simply be with it and allow the messages to come forward.
  8. When you feel that you’ve received as much of the message as you can, take ten deep breaths, focusing on the process and sensations of breathing.
  9. At this point, you can either sit with your experience or move to a different sensation in your body and repeat the last three steps.
  10. Open your eyes and start writing whatever comes up for you in a journal or notebook. Pen and paper work best for this process (no electronics).  Keep writing for as long as you can without judging any of it.  Neither you nor anything you write is wrong, crazy, stupid or any other negative judgment.  Equally, neither you nor anything you write is right, brilliant or awesome.  It simply is.
  11. In your journal, answer these questions: How can what I just experienced help me to move forward in my life?  Can I see the difficult experience differently?  Can I see myself differently?  What can I do to minimize the emotional toll of similar experiences in the future and let them go as they occur?  What would be a more supportive story I can tell myself about the situation?
  12. Repeat this process on a weekly basis until you feel that you can truly let go and move forward. I suggest weekly in order to give your subconscious time to work through what comes up in each session.  You may have a revelation three days after a session that didn’t occur to you while you were originally journaling.

This process is like peeling an onion.  Each session can bring you a little closer to your True Self and a better understanding of more supportive ways of handling future situations.

As new thoughts, feelings and emotions arise between sessions, write about them in your journal.  During your journaling sessions, write until you feel that there’s nothing left to write about.  Dig deep.

So often, it’s difficult to move past a feeling about a situation because you repeat a surface-level loop of thoughts and stories about it without moving any deeper.  Journaling is a powerful tool that allows you to delve deeper and release what your monkey mind keeps pent up by its constant chatter.

Feeling the difficult feelings of something you want to let go of, examining how they manifest in your body and journaling about it all is a process of moving through and past your fears and creating a more empowered life.

The past is what it is and can’t be changed.  You have the ability to create more empowering stories about it.  Everyone lives in their own reality based on the stories they tell themselves about who and how they are.

It’s up to you to re-write your story.

What do you want to let go of?  What patterns would you rather not repeat?  What new narrative can you apply to the past to support your True Self?

Don’t give up

Don’t give up you’re doing great 👍

Past failures can cause many people to lose focus on their goals. In fact, some people just give up altogether when success is right around the corner.

Past failures can cause many people to lose focus on their goals. In fact, some people just give up altogether when success is right around the corner.

Don’t let that be you.

We have to accept the good and the bad as sometimes there just isn’t one without the other. I am grateful for my lowest point as I emerged out of it strong enough to realise what I had to do to survive.

Life is wonderful and I am so grateful to be able to live mine. I am grateful for it all. Embrace your lives. Embrace the good and the bad. Your happiness will come with your resolve.

Stay Positive and Please take care and have a good day. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment always.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻 💙

How To Get Happiness Back In Your Life:

How to get happiness back in your life ~ Eleven simple questions you can ask yourself today that will inspire you to look for the good in life.

11 Best Questions To Ask Yourself

Eleven simple questions you can ask yourself today that will inspire you to look for the good in life — things that are already working in your life now, and will make you appreciate and recognise them for their benefit and value. These questions will teach you how to get happiness back in your life by focusing on the right things.

As life gets busy or when sudden misfortunes arise, these things are sometimes overlooked and left unnoticed amidst the chaos of everyday living. Take the time to answer these questions below and feel how much you have to be thankful for right now. This will help shift your perspective by looking for what’s satisfying wherever you are, instead of what is missing, lacking, or not working. Let’s jump right in!

Question 1:

Who are the people I feel blessed to have met in my life?

This could be a family member, a friend, a teacher or mentor, or even a new acquaintance who has helped you in one way or another. As you take the time to name them one by one, feel the gratitude for having attracted them into your life and the appreciation for the unique being that they are to you. This could be anyone you have met in person or online, who has given or taught you something of value and assisted you in becoming a better person.

Question 2:

What things do I have right now that makes my life comfortable?

Look around you right now and notice what brings you comfort wherever you are. This could be the simplest things like the bed you slept on last night, the roof above your head, the relaxing bath you had this morning, or the meals that made your tummy satisfied. Up to the things you once desired that you now enjoy, like a fast internet connection, your access to a wide range of products and services all over the world, the ease of communicating to anyone regardless of distance, and the variety of avenues for pleasure and entertainment available to you.

Question 3:

What qualities or skills have I developed over time that I feel proud to have now?

This could be qualities such as kindness or generosity that you have practiced and has become the trait that people like about you. Or it could be your cleanliness or superb organizational skills that you just feel proud to be good at. Or it could be that you are a good listener and friends are comfortable to share stories with you, that you are humorous and fun to be around because you are very lighthearted and don’t take things too seriously that much, or that you are an avid learner and you just enjoy improving yourself in many areas of life. These qualities are very valuable to have but are oftentimes not given enough credit for what they’re worth.

Question 4:

What experiences have I had in my life that made me better than I was before?

These are experiences you have gone through in the past that make you feel thankful for the valuable lessons and insights they have provided for you. Recognizing them will make you see your experiences in a good light and the “blessings in disguise” that are present in those seeming contradictions in life. This could be your past relationships that have ended but made you love yourself even more, or a lost job opportunity which eventually led you to discover what you truly wanted to pursue in life.

Question 5:

What are the things I enjoy and love doing that I am able to do, either regularly or occasionally?

What things make you feel joyful and excited as you do them, and which you are capable and free to do from time to time? Maybe it’s reading a book by your favorite author, watching movies you like, trying out a new recipe by your favorite celebrity chef, buying a new wardrobe for yourself, or just laughing out loud with your friends over a cup of coffee. These could be simple but meaningful things you’re able to do from the comfort of your home, or alongside other people from time to time.

Question 6:

What desires, big or small, do I have in the past that I am already living right now?

These are desires that you want at one point in your life that have already manifested for you. It’s time to look back and remember the things you once wanted in the past that you already possess today. Perhaps a desire to take a cooking or art class, or your desire to start your own blog, or to improve your self-confidence and communication skills. It could also be opening up your first savings account or starting on your diet program. This could be any baby step that you’ve already accomplished for yourself or have successfully ticked off on your wish list.

Question 7:

What unique things do I like about me?

What personality trait or ability do you like most about you? What makes you distinctly who you are? Maybe having a very unique laugh that many find funny and contagious, or possessing a great memory that you find it very easy to retain information, or even being good at analyzing directions and navigating the road especially in new places. Look for these characteristics in yourself, and feel your self-love and self-esteem grow as you recognize your own hidden genius.

Question 8:

What made me smile or laugh today?

Think of three things that made you feel good today. Could be a Facebook post from a friend that made you laugh so hard, a very adorable baby on your Instagram feed, a surprise call or message from a distant relative you haven’t talked to for awhile, or just the nice and comfortable weather as you’re relaxing at home today. Notice these subtle things around you that are worth feeling grateful for today.

Question 9:

What things worked out for me this week?

These are things at home or at work that went smoothly and successfully for you. Your laundry finished on time, check. Your weekly house cleaning done, check. Requirements for a certain project already submitted, check. Groceries for the week done and complete, check.

And as you notice all the things working out, you will vibrate toward success and appreciation more and more. This will create more good things coming to you with great success as well.

Question 10:

What kind of help have I offered anyone, tangible or intangible?

What good things have you done for somebody else? Offering helpful advice for a friend in need, assisting a co-worker on a certain project you have some knowledge about, giving directions to a stranger who’s new in town, offering food to a homeless child, donating your old clothes to charity, or even just giving a helping hand to your mom as she’s doing household chores. Notice that as you offer help and kindness to another, you are also giving that positive energy to yourself.

Question 11:

What do I appreciate about life in general?

This last question will allow you to look from a broader perspective of your life and take note of the things that feel good about being alive, here and now. These can include the most general things such as the sun coming up this morning, your heart continuously beating, nature continuously growing to support life, or your body effortlessly functioning and doing well without your supervision. Notice all of this magic in life, and feel how blessed and worthy you are to be alive at this time.

Conclusion

Big or small, your every answer to these questions is counted, and each one adds up to the blessings that are continuously piling up for you. In time, it will be easy for you to know how to get happiness back in your life whenever you fall back into unhappiness thinking.

What you focus upon grows. So make it your daily habit to continuously focus on the good that is already in your life and watch it grow to even bigger, greater things. And in time, you will gradually lean towards looking for the good in life and always seeing your world in a positive light.

I am inviting you to download my “10 Affirmations To Recite Daily And Start Your Day Right” to keep a positive mindset as you start each day. You can go here https://bit.ly/2Vh4hCA 


Article written by Iona Kristina

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