How Mindfulness Can Help You Let Go Of Past Hurts and Heal Yourself

Mindfulnes

How to Find Freedom from Your Past and let go of past hurts with Mindfulness

The past can often bring up painful memories and difficult emotions which can affect our future and our entire life. Letting of the past can be very challenging mostly because of unresolved issues. However, remembering the past is not what causes us pain & suffering and ties us to different negative thoughts & emotions.

It is our inability to detach from the attachment to that past which keeps us from finding freedom and happiness. Mindfulness can help us learn how to let go of the past hurts, the past and the attachments related to it by bringing our focus to the present moment and appreciating what we have right now.

“NO ONE OUTSIDE OURSELVES CAN RULE US INWARDLY. WHEN WE KNOW THIS, WE BECOME FREE.” – BUDDHA

Many of us have painful memories that we would rather forget—a difficult childhood, painful relationship, or traumatic event. We usually find ways to avoid thinking about them, so we don’t relive the painful emotions.

The reason they continue to cause us pain and suffering is that they remain unresolved. They fester in our subconscious mind, and manifest themselves daily in our attitudes and actions, and therefore, our relationships.

At the same time, we want to live happy and fulfilling lives. However, as long as these issues remain unresolved, we will never find freedom from our suffering, or realize the peace and happiness we’re searching for.

Here we’re going to look at how the mindfulness practice can help you overcome your painful past. But first we’ll discuss some of the sources of our painful memories, things we do to avoid them, and their cost.

Sources of Painful Memories

“BE CAREFUL WHO YOU MAKE MEMORIES WITH. THOSE THINGS CAN LAST A LIFETIME.” – UGO EZE

There are various sources of painful memories. The main ones are our relationships with our parents, romantic relationships, and traumatic events.

Many of us have strained relationships with our parents. We often feel like they didn’t give us some of the things we needed, such as love, attention, or financial support. Maybe they were neglectful, or even abusive. Whatever the case, we carry many of these painful childhood memories through much of our lives.

If we didn’t have good relationships with our parents, then chances are that our romantic relationships didn’t go much better. If our parents don’t teach us how to have healthy relationships, then we simply bring our lack of coping skills into all our subsequent relationships.

When we don’t get what we feel we need from our parents, we tend to expect those things from our partner. Sometimes we place unreasonable expectations on our partner, which are difficult for him/her to meet. This is where the power struggle begins.

Some of us may have experienced a traumatic event that we never fully dealt with. Some examples are verbal and physical abuse, sexual abuse, or even an accident. These can have long-lasting effects, especially if we haven’t sought professional help, or developed good coping skills.

Things We Do to Avoid Painful Memories

“MEMORIES ARE DANGEROUS THINGS. YOU TURN THEM OVER AND OVER, UNTIL YOU KNOW EVERY TOUCH AND CORNER, BUT STILL YOU’LL FIND AN EDGE TO CUT YOU.” – MARK LAWRENCE

It’s natural for us to want to avoid painful memories, especially if we haven’t yet learned how to deal with them. In such cases, we may feel powerless to do anything about them.

If someone else is the cause of our pain and suffering, then we may expect them to rectify the situation. But this is usually unrealistic. The person responsible may be far removed from our lives by time, distance, or their passing. They may also be unwilling.

When we don’t know how to deal with painful memories, we develop defense mechanisms to help us avoid the feelings associated with them. This usually involves trying to avoid thinking about those memories.

Mind shift.🙏💙

Charles A. Francis is the founder and director of the Mindfulness Meditation Institute. He has published numerous articles, and is the author of the book, Mindfulness Meditation Made Simple: Your Guide to Finding True Inner Peace. He has studied the mindfulness practice with Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh and has over 20 years of experience with mindfulness meditation. He is a speaker and consultant and leads workshops and retreats in Raleigh, NC, where he resides. To learn more, visit: MindfulnessMeditationInstitute.org.

Responsibility and Blame

What is the difference between responsibility and blame? The most basic answer to that question is judgment; when you blame you judge. According to Merriam Webster, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible as a: moral, legal, or mental accountability. Blame, however, is defined by finding fault with someone or something.  The most obvious difference when examining these definitions is judgment. If someone blames you for something, they have found fault with something that you have done or some decision that you made. If you are to blame then something you have said or done has caused an adverse or undesired outcome.

blameI, like millions of other people, grew up in a less than ideal environment. That environment hindered my growth and development during that time. That environment helped shape me into the person that I have become today.  I could blame all my problems and bad decisions on my childhood.  I could blame all of life’s woes on my parents; convince myself, as well as others, they are terrible people or at least terrible parents. However, any such ascertain would not only be unrealistic, it would be a lie. The truth is my parents did the best they could with the information they had available to them at the time. My parents will always be my greatest teachers. My parents may have made some decisions I wish they wouldn’t have, but to blame them takes away any personal responsibility. I used to blame all my hardships on my mother, especially, and I can assure you it never did me any good.  My mother always says, “that was then and this is now” and she is right; choosing to forgive all involved and take responsibility for my part in the dysfunction helped significantly. I allowed myself to learn very valuable lessons and move on with my life and even become a better person. There is payoff in the pain; being the victim and blaming others only allows you to feel helpless, and feeling this way allows for you not to make the necessary changes that will improve your quality of life.  I do realize that not everyone had a “bad” childhood but everyone has adversity that must be overcome at some point in his or her life.

Taking responsibility allows us to learn from our history and personal experiences, where as blame is just a judgment that keeps you stuck in your own personal emotional hell. Blame is a judgment that prevents us from learning from our experiences and moving on in a healthy way that is beneficial for all involved. The economy is not in chaos because of one person’s greedy decision. Our way of life has not fundamentally changed because one powerful man or woman said it should. Our current dire circumstances are a direct result of everyone’s decisions. We have corrupt politicians but they work for us and we elected them into office. We have created many of the problems that we are facing, and now is the time to take responsibility and shift into a new way of relating to each other, shifting into the next paradigm.  Stop pointing your finger with blame because every time you do there are usually three more fingers pointing back at you.  The big book tells addicts that they have “stinking thinking” and it is that thinking that got them into trouble in the first place.  Shift from blame to responsibility and help yourself and the rest of us began the healing process together. Change your language and perception and you will see the world change right before your eyes.

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–    About the Author:

My name is LG Fuller and I am an aspiring author. I have always had a passion for writing and this is my attempt to turn my passion into a profession. I would love any feedback so please comment and or follow me on twitter at LGFuller07@twitter