Relationship Reality Check

Every now and then your primary relationship (wi…th your spouse, partner, lover) needs a reality check to make sure you are both on the same page and in touch with each others relationship

I’ve been reading many articles lately about men and women whose spouses/partners have left them unexpectedly leaving them both surprised and devastated.

Most of them had no inkling that the relationship was anything but good. They saw no signs of trouble, unusual behavior, or what was to come crashing down on them.

How does this happen?

Unfortunately it does happen, and it happens to couples that allow themselves to fall into an unconscious routine.

They begin to take each other for granted, lose connection with each other’s thoughts and feelings and generally forget to do the small, considerate things they used to do in the past. It happens more often than anyone would care to admit.

Before the situation deteriorates to the point of no return, there are some things you can do to make sure you and your partner are in sync and working together.

Tips For Maintaining A Good Relationship: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

1- Respect each other. Try to understand each other’s feelings and points of view. Don’t try to change one another now that you’re in the relationships. You were initially attracted to each other for a reason. Remember what it was and continue to appreciate it.

2- Communicate. Never underestimate the importance of good communication. If something is going on inside of you, share it. Don’t keep your feelings, good or bad, to yourself. If you have a problem let your partner in on it. Work on a solution together. It will create intimacy and bring you closer together. When something good happens to you at work or you’ve achieved a goal, share that as well. All sharing and exchanging of information brings people closer to each other. Practice communicating with each other.

3- Do the little things. Be considerate and thoughtful. If you’re getting yourself a coffee, apple or snack from the kitchen ask your partner if he/she wants one too. When your spouse is tired and sore give him/her a back rub or massage. Be aware of each others needs.

4-  Don’t get caught up in the rat race. People get too wrapped up in getting ahead and the mechanics of everyday living. They rush around doing, getting, and not taking time to live in the moment. By not paying attention to each other you can become disconnected with yourself and your partner.

5-  Maintain a Sense of Humor. Laugh together. Don’t take things too seriously. Barring a tragedy, nothing is so serious that you can’t step back and look at the humorous side. Laughter is contagious and creates intimacy.

6-  Take care of and respect yourself. As mentioned in Love Yourself in order function fully, strive for balance. If you don’t take care of yourself, everything around you will fall apart including your relationship.

7-  Have a Life. Everyone needs a life of his/her own. If you don’t have one, you not only tend to invade someone else’s space, you probably become too dependent and therefore less interesting. One of the most important things you can bring to a relationship is your unique set of qualities and a different perspective. Contrary to what you may think, maintaining your individuality and having a life of your own strengthens a relationship and keeps it fresh and interesting.

So before things start sliding or become stagnant in your relationship, start developing some good maintenance habits. Communicate, laugh, be independent, take care of yourself and your relationship will not only survive, it will flourish.

Why Real Love Requires Self Love

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS self love

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, “What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way?” Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others.Why Real Love Requires Self Love.

Read more>> Why Real Love Requires Sel Love

Do You Buy Into Giving People Labels?

“Once you label me you negate me.” -Soren Kierkegaard

When you were growing up do you remember the labels people would put on you or other kids? Even teachers and parents would label kids and typically those labels stuck like glue throughout their lives.

label peopleI’m sure you’ve seen small children hide their face when you say “hi” to them. I cringe every time I hear a parent say, “Oh he/she’s shy,” as if the kid is shy and deaf too!

When talking about their kids I’ve heard parents say, “Oh he/she’s the smart one, or so-and-so is the athletic one, or this one is lazy and that one’s our helper.

OMG….don’t people get it? Can’t they hear themselves? Don’t they realize how they are setting their kids up to fail? Children are so impressionable and of course they believe their parents.

It’s so sad to watch a classmate be labeled nerd, snob, bitch, slut, loser, fatso, shy one and on and on. These labels sadly define that child’s experience throughout their school years and not only causes a daily silent misery but it irreparably whittles away at their self esteem.

Can you imagine for one second if it were you who had to endure such cruelty instead of them? Not to mention how alone they must feel.

Unfortunately for some this kind of labeling continues its stranglehold into adulthood. These children grow up carrying around these labels and suffer with issues and insecurities throughout their lifetime. And, they don’t realize how little they deserve it.

When you buy into the labels that people have pinned on you, you never live up to your full potential and you allow other people to determine how you live your life. Worse yet, you may start to believe them yourself.

Don’t ever let anyone define you to be any less than who you truly are; a capable, strong, loving, caring, wonderful soul who has the potential to be, have or do anything.

People can call you names but it’s up to you whether you answer to that name or not.

Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was 4 years old and didn’t read until he was 7. I’m sure they called him stupid! Thomas Edison’s teacher said he was too stupid to learn anything. Winston Churchill failed sixth grade and Isaac Newton did very poorly in grade school!

I know people whose parents have belittled them, told them they would never amount to anything, they weren’t good enough and if I can’t love you who can. The pain is still so palpable when speaking with them that it makes we want to cry and breaking these beliefs can take a lifetime.

So the next time you hear someone put anyone else down stop them in their tracks. The next time you tell yourself you’re not good enough, the next time you walk around with that old, worn out lie around your neck, rip it off, rip it up and throw away the garbage that other people fed you long ago.

Know deep down inside that you are who YOU say you are, not what others say you are. Know that you have people who love you and believe you are special to them. And without you, their lives wouldn’t be the same. Know that no one and no thing can ever define you unless you give them permission.

Go out today and celebrate that you can finally have a relationship with your true self. The self that has the potential to be and feel so much more and who can let go of the suffering that these labels have imposed on you.

Rejoice in your light because the truth is we are love, we are special in so many different ways and only we can choose whether we buy into the labels or not.

Susan Russo – About the Author:
Do you want to find out how to change your life for the best? Susan Russo is an author and coach who has inspired people from around the world learn the secrets of finding happiness within. Would you like to learn the secrets?

How to deal with a narcissist – The signs, the protection and the support

Do you have a cold, overbearing, self interested, grandious individual in  your life? If so, its vital that you learn how to recognize and how to deal with a narcissist.  Knowing how you can deal with a narcissist has many benefits, but the most important being that you will learn how to protect  your self from emotional, and potential bodily abuse.

As a narcissism  support practitioner over a number of years, I strongly believe that it is  essential to be made aware about the narcissistic personality so you can have  sensible expectations when dealing with coworkers, buddies, or members of the  family who might have a few of these qualities.

blame-abuseHere are some methods to  be familiar with a narcissist: Their motto is always “Me first!” Everything’s  all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement,  crave admiration and attention. A legend in their very own mind, the world is  mirrored in their image. They’ll corner you at a party, and narrate their life  saga. Some narcissists may be charming, clever, caring–that’s, until their  guru-status is threatened. Whenever you stop stroking their ego or beg to  disagree, they’ll turn on you and become punishing and abusive.      

These people are so  harmful because they lack empathy, and have a restricted capacity for  unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been  shut down due to early psychic trauma,  such as being raised by narcissistic dad and mom, a crippling handicap both  emotionally and spiritually. Onerous as it might be to grasp, these folks have  little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them. Though usually  extremely intuitive, they primarily use intuition for self-interest and  manipulation.

To find out if you’re coping with a narcissist, ask your  self the next questions:

* Does the particular person act as if life  revolves round him or her?
* Do I have to compliment him/her to get his  attention or approval?
* Does he/she continuously steer the conversation back  to himself?
* Does he/she downplay my feelings or interests?
* If I  disagree, does he/she become cold or withholding?

Should you reply  “sure” to one or 2 questions, it’s possible you’re coping with a narcissist.  Responding “sure” to three or more questions suggests that a narcissist is  violating your emotional freedom and due  to this fact being abusive.

Narcissists are laborious nuts to crack.  My recommendation is: Don’t fall in love with a narcissist or entertain  illusions they are capable of the give and take mandatory for intimacy. In such  relationships you will always be emotionally deserted to some degree. When you  have a withholding narcissist partner, beware of making an attempt to win the  nurturing you never got out of your parents; it’s not going to happen. Also, do  not anticipate to have your sensitivity honored. These people sour love with all  of the hoops you will need to jump through to please them.

paul2012frees  –    About the Author:

Despite all the difficulties in coping with a narcissist, there are excellent  methods and support services accessible for anyone struggling in a narcissistic  relationship and not able to move away from it for any reason. To find how to deal  with a narcissist, and what support is available click the preceding link  (or CLICK HERE  NOW) to visit Stop-The-Abuse.info