Feeling overwhelmed and helpless?

Often times, life throws challenging situations at us that are beyond our control. Perhaps your  artflow_202010021557relationship with your spouse is becoming worse and you are tired of trying to make it better. Or, you might have been laid off from a job and finding it challenging to meet ends. Perhaps your business is failing and unable to keep up with the competition. Or maybe you are tying to find the right life partner for many years now. In all the above situations, you tried your best to get what you want a number of times, only to encounter disappointment time after time. Now you feel overwhelmed and helpless with the problem at hand, and no longer believe that a solution is possible. Does this sound like you? If so read on.

Why do we give up?

Failure is painful. No one wants to try again and again just to fail each time and lose all respect of those around them in the process . In order to avoid further pain, our mind simply gives up on us. When this happens, one becomes unwilling to attempt anything further as the moment we think about the problem, all the painful thoughts of past failure overwhelms us, and all we are able to do is to give ourselves reasons why any action we take will not succeed.

The good news is that whatever  the life situation or whatever life throws at us, we can always turn it around once we decide to make it happen! Here are some tips to orchestrate the turn around :

1) Believe it is possible to succeed

The only real danger is your belief that there is no solution for your problem – that you are indeed helpless. You need to first remove this belief if you want to make any progress. The fact is that all power to find that solution lies within you – you are just not seeing the solution yet.

2) Your past is not equal to your future

Your future has got nothing to do with the past. By taking correct action in the present moment, you can create anything you want. Learn from the past but do not get stuck in it.

3) Practice Persistence

Success takes persistence. People who stick around longer without giving up open themselves to success more than people who give up easily when they fail a few times. Successful people never stop trying.

4) Do it better each day

While persistence is good, one needs to always look for better ways to solve the same problem. Get creative and see how you can solve the same problem in a better way, that you did not attempt yesterday.

5) There are no real failures

Each failure is a stepping stone to future success. Failures brings us much needed knowledge and experience that was lacking the last time around. If the correct lessons are learnt and applied from past experiences, success if not far away.

6) Consult with an expert

It is good to get some fresh ideas from other people who have experience and skill dealing with the challenges you are facing. For example, some relationships that you could not improve by yourself for over a decade can be turned around in a couple of months with help from a skilled relationship coach. The same goes with other areas of life such as your career, health and finances.

7) Stay positive and appreciative of what you do have

Just because one area of your life is not working the way you want, do not fool yourself into believing that your entire life has gone haywire. When we are focused on what is lacking, we just tend not to pay enough attention to what is working. Practice genuine appreciation of the areas of your life that are doing great. Whatever the situation, each one of us has a lot to be grateful for, that some others may not be blessed with.

8) Know that this too shall pass

No problem remains forever. Most of us have faced problems that perhaps felt like the end of the world many years back, that hardly cross our mind at this time. With continued right effort, you will find the solution much sooner than you think.

Have a good day and take care. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment always.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏💙

To forgive takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger.

To forgive really is divine. It takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger. It’s much easier to hold a grudge. Yet when we make the choice and allow ourselves to put aside that anger and to forgive those who have harmed us, we actually do ourselves a great service. Making the conscious decision to let go of pain is the beginning of healing. But doing so is challenging because it is easy to become attached to seeing oneself as a victim and to hold onto resentment, even when the person who has harmed us is genuinely sorry. Forgiving someone is both one of the most difficult and one of the most spiritually rewarding choices we can make.            

While forgiveness is a noble act, expressing true forgiveness is empowering because it helps us to stop feeling like victims and to dispel our own suffering at having been wronged. Our levels of anger and hostility decreases while our capacity to love increases.We are better able to control our anger and we have an enhanced capacity to trust. We are freed from the control of past events, which can help us to stop repeating negative behaviour. Both our physical and mental health improves. Though many people feel forgiveness is something that must be asked for or earned by another, forgiveness is actually a gift you give to yourself…..  

Have a good day. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏💙

 Copyright © 2020 Joannewellington.com

Are You In an Abusive Relationship?

Are You In an Abusive Relationship? There are many levels of abuse. When people think of abusive relationships they often associate them with some kind of physical abuse.

Are You In an Abusive Relationship?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt


There are many levels of abuse. When people think of abusive relationships they often associate them with some kind of physical abuse. Although physical abuse is one of the worst forms of an abusive relationship, abuse does not have to by physical, it comes in many disguises.

The different types of abusive relationships range from emotional, verbal, mental, sexual and physical or any combination of these. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship and you are trying to figure a way to get out, you need to proceed very carefully.

Some of the warning signs are:

* They blame you for everything, especially their anger or jealousy

* They are violent or they threaten you.

* They control where you go, who you see and when.

* They isolate you from all or most activities and friends.

* They have bouts of uncontrollable emotional outbreaks.

* They demean you, humiliate you, insult you, or embarrass you.

* They make you feel insignificant and scared.

* They force you to do things sexually.

* They make you feel terrible about yourself.

* You cause all the problems and they cause none of them.

* And on and on.

If you recognise any of these signs in your relationship you will do one of two things. You will either make excuses or rationalise these behaviours or, you will gather your wits about yourself and do whatever it takes to protect yourself and get out.

Many victims of abuse are already dealing with low self-esteem and the abuser preys on this weakness to further belittle the victim so they won’t have the courage or strength to go anywhere.

It’s vital that you acknowledge that you are being abused before you can take the necessary steps to help yourself. If you are trying to convince yourself that “it doesn’t happen that often” or “he really didn’t mean it,” you are in for a rude awakening not to mention a lifetime of heartache and pain.

Just because the abuse may be cyclical doesn’t mean that you aren’t being abused and most times it will only escalate in the future to something you may not be able to handle.

A critical factor in protecting yourself is: the sooner you leave an abuser the better off you will be, because the longer you hang in there the more difficult and more dangerous the situation can become.

If you are wondering if you are in an abusive relationship all of the signs are there staring you in the face, all you have to do is open your eyes and begin to tell yourself the truth.

If you choose to ignore the reality of the situation you are in be prepared to pay the consequences of living a life of misery. You will be a prisoner in this relationship.

It pains me to even touch upon this next segment but, if you are in an abusive relationship and you are exposing children to this kind of a life, you too are an abuser!

It is your responsibility to protect and nurture your children. By exposing them to this kind of upbringing is not only detrimental to their well being, it totally skews their perception of how to have a healthy, loving relationship.

As they grow up you will be teaching them exactly how to be an abuser or how to be abused!

So, even if you are in the mental trap of believing you deserve this kind of behaviour; your children certainly don’t!

Begin today and decide whether you are going to remain a victim in an abusive relationship or take the steps to free yourself to live the kind of life you really desire.

You have the power within you to do the thing you think you can’t.

Side note: If you are in a precarious situation and need to secretly devise a plan to leave. Call a Domestic Abuse Helpline.


Susan Russo – About the Author:

Are you in an abusive relationship? Susan Russo has written one of the top breakup/divorce books on the market. Her direct approach is a wake up call for anyone who feels paralysed in finding a way out. How would you like to move beyond the pain and start to feel like a human again?

Related Articles

Spotting the Signs of Emotional Abuse (everydayhealth.com)

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

6 SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being. In an abusive relationship your partner constantly makes you feel less than a normal person so that they can control you.

Abuse in a relationship is about control where your partner does all they can to control you using either physical and/or emotional abuse. Based on that definition you may find shades of abuse in most relationships when angry people say or do things that they may not mean but what sets them apart from abusive and unhealthy relationships is that here the abuse is infrequent while in abusive relationships the abuse is the normal state of things.

In an abusive and unhealthy relationship your normal everyday reality is a constant tearing down of who you are through verbal abuse or emotional manipulation and/or physical violence. So what are the red flags of an abusive and unhealthy relationship?

1. They controls what you do and what you think. In a very real sense they are master over you as they controls what you do, the people you see and what you feel most of the time. They do this using fear of specific consequences which they have trained you to dread.  Think of it like being on an invisible leash which your partner holds by instilling fear of certain consequences from them if you go or do what they have not sanctioned.

You are thus afraid of any new situation as you don’t know how they will react and you are also afraid of familiar situations since anything can set them off. Are you living in constant fear of upsetting your partner or them hitting you for some vague reason? Are you plagued by fear of what your partner will do and does this determine what you do or don’t do? Then this is a noticeable red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 2. They determines who your friends are. To keep you firmly under there control your partner will make sure that nobody else can have any strong influence on you as that may weaken their hold over you so they alienates you from family, friends and social settings that they feel may threaten or challenge their hold over you.

They drive a wedge between you and your family, they disparage your friends and they emotionally blackmail you to give up ‘other’ activities besides themselves so that they are your only family, friend and life activity. Does that describe you? Does your partner have a tight rein on who you see or don’t see, where you can go etc. so that without their express approval you fear visiting even members of your family? If this is your reality then this is another red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 3. They gets worse with time instead of better. You may have stayed hoping against hope that your partner would change when they saw how much you really loved them and that you were doing all that they asked of you (and even more) but they seem to be getting more controlling and more abusive. Peace and happiness just eludes you in this relationship and the best that you get is the calm before the storm that comes between the abusive episodes.

You have come to slowly realise that you can never seem to make them happy since they seems to need to keep you in constant emotional turmoil so as to keep their hold over you. Does this describe you and your partner? If it does then this is a red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship. You need to realise that there is no possibility or hope of any lasting joy with your partner.

They cannot treat you well because their own demons do not allow them to do so and until they get long term professional help your only peace will be the calm in between the abusive episodes until the day that you and they are parted.

 4. Your needs are never considered. Since your relationship is by definition dysfunctional and one sided then your needs for love, intimacy, trust and security are either not met or they are distorted.

Love becomes their abuse since if they didn’t love you they wouldn’t abuse you and the more they abuse you the more they supposedly love you since only a person with deep feelings would abuse you so much. Intimacy is at their terms and it is geared at meeting their needs only and the fulfilment of yours is incidental.

Your only security is that they would protect you from others since you are their prey and like any other animal they are unwilling to share. If this describes your relationship then this is another red flag that you are certainly in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

If you would be honest with yourself, you would acknowledged to yourself that you are in this relationship to meet only your partner’s needs.

 5. You live in fear. A cloud of fear hangs over your head or is always somewhere within your vicinity. You live in a state of anxiety as you really don’t know what will set them off; all you know is that something will set them off sooner or later.

Sometimes the waiting for the abuse is almost as bad as the abuse itself since you know it’s on its way but you just don’t know from which direction it will come and the anxiety is almost crippling. If this describes your emotional state then this is a clear raised flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 6. You feel physically sick. All the emotional fretfulness and anxiety from the abuse is beginning to take its toil and you feel ill often. Your head hurts sometimes or your stomach or your back or some other part of your body. Every day there is a part of your body that is not functioning properly and you are also not sleeping properly. You feel bad about yourself and nothing about who you are gives you any joy. A red flag that the abusive relationship is beginning to have long term effects on you.

If these 6 red flag are a part of your relationship reality then know for sure that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship and you need to get out today. Don’t think about it, don’t imagine that things might change, don’t deceive yourself that this is love…just leave them today and never come back.  The longer you stay the harder it gets to leave since you get used to the abuse and before long it becomes normal for you and you begin to lose your sense of the wrongness of what they is doing to you.

Rosy Anderson – About the Author:
Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships.

MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS.

Joe makes a comment and you suddenly feel a rush of energy. Your face flushes and your knuckles whiten as you begin squeezing the edge of the table for dear life. Some part of you knows that this feeling is not proportionate to Joe’s comment or intention, but something was triggered in you nonetheless, and you’re ready to bite his head off.

To be effective as a friend, spouse, significant other, co-worker, manager, leader, or whatever role you’re playing at the moment, learning to manage your feelings is a critical step toward living a happy, successful, and fulfilled life. And let me just say this up front, managing your feelings doesn’t mean that you stuff them down and repress them. It means that you become aware of what’s going on inside of you, own your feelings as your own, heed the message that they have for you, and act responsibly.

What are emotions and what is emotional mastery? Emotions are often described as energy in motion. They become problems only when we judge them as wrong, bad, or inappropriate. When we let our emotions run us, we miss the message that they carry. When we stuff them down for fear of what they might cause us to do, they simply lie in wait to emerge with a vengeance later on. Emotional mastery is the ability to process our emotions so that we receive their message and use their energy for appropriate action.

Our emotions are very much a reflection of our beliefs about life events. For example, if you believe that you are your work and you suddenly lose your job, you are likely to feel an incredible amount of fear, as you perceive your very survival to be at stake. If you repress this fear, possibly because you view it as a weakness, you’ll probably experience anger or rage and at some point, you will likely lash out at whoever’s available.

If on the other hand, you are a person who views your job simply as one aspect of your life, and you know that your inherent value lies in your unique skills and qualities, then your feelings and response to losing your job will probably be a whole lot different. You may just view this loss as an opportunity to explore a whole new path for yourself.

The bottom line here is this: how you feel in any situation corresponds exactly with what you believe about yourself and the situation. Master your beliefs, and you’ll master your emotions.

Knowing that you can change how you feel simply by changing how you think about each experience is a powerful concept.

So if you feel upset about something, ask yourself, “How can I reinterpret this event in a such a way that I can feel good or at least OK about it?” If you have a bill you can’ pay, instead of getting mad or sad about it, decide that this is an opportunity to redesign your financial life. Ask for help, develop a plan, and use your energy to get moving on it.

How you think about your emotions adds even another layer. We often give ourselves a double whammy when we get upset about feeling upset. Here are some positive ways to interpret the purpose of our basic emotions set down by Peter McWilliams in his book, “Do It.”

Fear is the energy to do your best in a new situation.
Guilt is the energy for personal change-it is anger directed toward ourselves, and anger is the energy for change.

Unworthiness keeps us on track–just as we can have anything we want, we can’t have everything we want. So too, we are worthy of anything we want, but we may not be worthy of everything we want.

Hurt feelings are a reminder of how much we care.


So how can you use this information in your life? I suggest that you examine any beliefs you hold around emotions and the situations that trigger them. Begin to cultivate present moment awareness as your emotions arise. Just notice them and look at them, not as good or bad, but simply with curiosity, and with the question, what’s this energy for and how do I choose to use it?

Practice. Begin the practice of observing emotions when they arise and identify any judgments you might have about them. Focus instead on listening to the message they hold for you. Then, if you should be so bold, act on this message by expressing the emotion in a positive fashion.

OK How To Master Your Emotions

The first thing you have to understand in the mastery of your emotions is that each of your emotions are Action Signals that your mind sends to you. So these perceived negative emotions should not be suppressed, rather, you should realize the real message they send out like i said before and take proper corrective action.

Step 1. Identify Your Action Signals

These action signals can be classified broadly into 10 types namely :

Discomfort
Emotional pain / Hurt
Anger
Disappointment
Inadequacy
Frustration
Fear
Overwhelmed
Guilt / Regret
Loneliness
When you experience one or more of these action signals, you should realize that they are sending you a specific message. To gain control of your emotions, you have to listen to these messages and take proper action.

For example, if you feel extremely angry towards something or someone, the message this action signal sends is – One of your important rule or standard has been violated.

If you are beset with Fear , it is a clear signal that you should prepare yourselves to avoid the negative consequences.

Once you have identified the action signals you are experiencing, you move to the next step. That being …

Step 2. Change Your Perception or Procedure


Now that you have identified your action signals, you should either change your perception (style of thinking / your feelings) or change your procedure (behavioral pattern). Doing this will help you to control your emotions better.

Written by Joanne Wellington for Medium2spirit.com                                        

Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

Copyright © 2020 joannewellington,com