Is He/She Abusive? – You’re not Crazy. Stop the abuse.

IS HE/SHE ABUSIVE? - YOU'RE NOT CRAZY. STOP THE ABUSE. ARE YOU BEING ABUSED? YOU MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO TELL, BUT EVEN WORSE, YOU MAY BE THINKING THAT YOU ARE THE CRAZY ONE.

Are you being abused? You may not know how to tell, but even worse, you may be thinking that you are the crazy one.

Abusers work hard to distort our reality to make their reality feel safer.

So what is abuse? Is it someone who hits you emotionally or mentally hurts you to get what they want? Sometimes, mostly not! Ask yourself this: does your partner hurt you repeatedly in any of those ways? Does he or she do it to satisfy their own emotional needs, or because they’re out of control?

Does she or he use the situation to lock you in so you have to tolerate it, or make a huge sacrifice to get away? If you see this dynamic in your relationship, you are being abused. The hurt of abuse can come in many ways, including physical attacks, mental attacks, verbal attacks, sexual attacks, or contact with friends and family.

You’re not Crazy

For many of us, struggling to live with this kind of abusive partner, the first handhold we need to grasp is that we are not crazy. Abusive behaviour isn’t normal. It is caused by an underlying disorder.

Most often, the disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or sociopath – technically called antisocial personality disorder. People who suffer from these disorders have extreme emotions, which lead them to actions that can range from puzzling to brutal. Living with them is painful and confusing.

Personality disorders are aptly named, because the minds of people who suffer from these disorders work differently than healthy people.

They Spin our Reality

Disordered people can’t deal with the reality of their behaviours. On some level they realise how hurtful they are, yet accepting this major flaw in themselves is just too painful. So disordered abusers spin our reality to make theirs less painful. One of the most common defence mechanism they use is projection.

In projection, a characteristic of themselves that they find just too painful to accept is projected onto us. And the most frequently projected characteristic is mental illness. “I’m not a narcissist. You’re the crazy one.” Another common and difficult defence mechanism is blame shifting. It’s your fault this happened because blah, blah blah blah…

After a while it becomes hard to distinguish what is real from what is being projected and what is being distorted. We begin to doubt our reality and question whether we’re the crazy ones, or whether our disordered SO’s (significant others) are really right about what they say.

The truth is, THEY’RE NOT RIGHT. But they feel better when they can get us to carry the burden of their illness and their behaviour.

What’s more, disordered people hide their problems very effectively. People with all of these personality disorders – narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder – have serious maladjustments in coping with life. Thus, they live in emotional turmoil.

They seek to present a very together appearance, hiding their disease from most people. It is only when we get into a close and private relationship with someone else these personality disorders that the abusive behaviour comes out. And because their lives are wracked with emotional turmoil, there is a lot of pent-up emotion that can be focused on us. Yet those around us don’t see it, causing us further confusion and pain.

Dealing with this situation is complex, and people need some idea of how bad it could get ” For most people, there are important obligations that have to be carefully thought about to move away. Because abuse is so damaging significant decisions have to be faced to be resolved in an even manner.

Because abusive partners constantly work to distort our perception of what is happening and what is right and wrong, until we doubt our own judgement so much we can’t make decisions the process of detaching to find safe space and to regain a sense of right and wrong, and searching to understand what we, as people, need in our lives can become very difficult.

Those who need it the most – the traumatized victims – are locked out by the jargon and the lack of practical advice. Recently, survivors and victims have taken matters into their own hands and have published their own books, replete with first hand experiences and tips.

It has to be known that Healing is not easy and will take time No matter the outcome. if getting professional help is Not a financial option, there are many web sites that can assist with self-help. local libraries Have books that can also assist on the journey to healing.

Beware of abusive personalities who try to isolate you!

Hi! I think every great idea or post starts with a warm welcome, but this time its a little different for me. Because when it come a little to close for comfort to your own heart it is a little different don’t you think?.. Its a case of “been there and done that”and now you have to watch it happen right in front of your eyes to close ones that you love dearly, and you can’t do a dam thing about it.

Only they can when they are ready!

If not…Then life has its way of forcing you back on to the right path one way or another or sometimes even out altogether” meaning not making it in this life at all!..

Emotionally abusive people are

Conditioned to make us feel that they are superior and that we don’t deserve them. They make us feel like we deserve to be treated the way we are and that we are lucky to be in a relationship with them. They are masters at manipulating the way we feel.

Emotionally abusive BEHAVIOUR

Is when something is said, implied, or done to intentionally hurt someone’s feelings on a consistent basis over and over again over an extended period of time. The day-to-day bickering, teasing, insulting or other negative behaviours do happen in ordinary relationships. However, a pattern of emotionally hurtful behaviour can eventually evolve into an emotionally abusive relationship. 

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner makes you feel like you’re not good enough, calls you names or puts you down all the time, threatens or intimidates you, or you fear your partner leaving you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, recognise that you cannot change your partner and it is best to seek help and leave the relationship as soon as possible “you know now rather than later”.

Beware of

Abusive personalities who try to isolate you from family members and friends and dominate your life almost or completely.

These control freaks

Are smooth talkers. They are convincing and persuasive Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’s. They represent themselves one way publicly but behind closed doors ~they transform!!

If you manage to escape them,

They will beg and plead to get you back. They may even try to convince you that they will change or that they are sorry. It is a lie. They will never really change. It is simply a ploy to get you back in their icy grip.

being abused does make it much more likely that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur!!

look Life is just too short

Do not allow yourself to be abused mentally, emotionally, financially or physically to this point. Please these people are dangerous. The longer you stay with them, the harder it is to get away.

If they threaten to injure you…believe them. Run. Do not look back. Do not waste good, valuable, irreplaceable time trying to change them.

Use that energy to change yourself and put yourself in a different situation. Create an escape plan to get away…and GO! Cut off all communication and work on yourself for a while. Strengthen all aspects of your life. And if you have children PLEASE! do i need to say any more except click that link you just past!! ☝

Create some new relationships where you are loved, valued and treated with respect.

If you begin to notice the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, whether it’s you or someone you care about, seek professional help. Just because the relationship isn’t violent yet, doesn’t mean it won’t escalate and you should get a clear understanding of the situation from someone trained to help everyone stay safe.

You deserve a better life!! Create it!

Have a good week Wishing you health, peace and empowerment to always try your best.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

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