NOTE TO SELF… GET YOURSELF BACK.

NOTE TO SELF... GET YOURSELF BACK.. ~ Because you didn't want to lose him, you lost yourself in the process.
Self-esteem

Get yourself back!

“Because you didn’t want to lose him, you lost yourself in the process”.

You became a girl who kept being mistreated and you formed a habit of saying “I’m used to it”.

You became a girl who kept being unappreciated and you begin to tell yourself “it’s okay”.

You became a girl who kept being undervalued and you learned how to say “I’m fine”.

You became a girl who kept being put last and you naturally reacted with “it’s whatever”.

You became a girl who kept being taken for granted and you dealt with it by repeating “everything’s ok”.

You became a girl who kept being unhappy and you regularly told people “I’m going to be fine” But you know deep down your NOT😢…..

And if you’re reading this right now, then you need to understand that no guy is worth losing yourself for, no guy is worth suffering for at the expense of YOU… your happiness!

“We all go through hard times in life. It’s a part of being alive and it’s the reality we all have to deal with.

There are times we forget our value as a person because we are so blinded with these thoughts of loneliness, emptiness and ego.

Somewhere along the road we become numbed with all the frustrations and dissatisfaction.

But life itself isn’t always about darkness and sadness, Life is also filled with colours and that makes it beautiful. Along this path of darkness there’s always light waiting to be seen by our daunted hearts.

Our heart is gifted to see this light.

It may be hiding behind those circumstances that we encounter; in a stranger we just met at an unexpected place; a family who has been always there but you just ignored because of your imperfect relationship with them; because you have given it your all to the very person that is killing your soul and your life!

It might be a long time friend you have or a friend you just met or a friend that is waiting just round the corner if you freed yorself.

Open your heart and you will see how blessed you are to have them all in your life. STOP GIVING it your all to ONE PERSON that don’t DESERVE you.

Just remember Sometimes the people in your life are there for a reason they are the light that shines your path in some dark phases of life. Don’t lose them and don’t lose hope…”

As you grow and evolve, it might feel like you’re losing your mind. But you’re just losing the old mindset that was
holding you back. But it’s all normal

Don’t Take Anything Personally that’s just down right cruel anymore! What ever they says and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Also if you have children please 🙏 think about them and I mean really think hard! So many broken parents are building broken children. Don’t let your mess become the foundation of your child’s life. Break the cycle you’ve got this.🙏

I was terribly mistreated. Children raised in this toxic environment will keep the abuse or being abused going generation after generation.

Get yourself back!

Let the old self go and focus on YOU! GET YOURSELF BACK GIRL. 🙏💙 before it’s too late.

The people who care for you can see it plain as day! You should away listen when more than 2 people have the same concerns only you can save yourself. Please take care in all of your endeavours and stop giving up your power of self!

P.S. This post applies to both sexes. A male or Female can be the abuser. Abuse doesn’t have a gender.

Have a good day. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment always.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻 💙

Are You In an Abusive Relationship?

Are You In an Abusive Relationship? There are many levels of abuse. When people think of abusive relationships they often associate them with some kind of physical abuse.

Are You In an Abusive Relationship?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt


There are many levels of abuse. When people think of abusive relationships they often associate them with some kind of physical abuse. Although physical abuse is one of the worst forms of an abusive relationship, abuse does not have to by physical, it comes in many disguises.

The different types of abusive relationships range from emotional, verbal, mental, sexual and physical or any combination of these. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship and you are trying to figure a way to get out, you need to proceed very carefully.

Some of the warning signs are:

* They blame you for everything, especially their anger or jealousy

* They are violent or they threaten you.

* They control where you go, who you see and when.

* They isolate you from all or most activities and friends.

* They have bouts of uncontrollable emotional outbreaks.

* They demean you, humiliate you, insult you, or embarrass you.

* They make you feel insignificant and scared.

* They force you to do things sexually.

* They make you feel terrible about yourself.

* You cause all the problems and they cause none of them.

* And on and on.

If you recognise any of these signs in your relationship you will do one of two things. You will either make excuses or rationalise these behaviours or, you will gather your wits about yourself and do whatever it takes to protect yourself and get out.

Many victims of abuse are already dealing with low self-esteem and the abuser preys on this weakness to further belittle the victim so they won’t have the courage or strength to go anywhere.

It’s vital that you acknowledge that you are being abused before you can take the necessary steps to help yourself. If you are trying to convince yourself that “it doesn’t happen that often” or “he really didn’t mean it,” you are in for a rude awakening not to mention a lifetime of heartache and pain.

Just because the abuse may be cyclical doesn’t mean that you aren’t being abused and most times it will only escalate in the future to something you may not be able to handle.

A critical factor in protecting yourself is: the sooner you leave an abuser the better off you will be, because the longer you hang in there the more difficult and more dangerous the situation can become.

If you are wondering if you are in an abusive relationship all of the signs are there staring you in the face, all you have to do is open your eyes and begin to tell yourself the truth.

If you choose to ignore the reality of the situation you are in be prepared to pay the consequences of living a life of misery. You will be a prisoner in this relationship.

It pains me to even touch upon this next segment but, if you are in an abusive relationship and you are exposing children to this kind of a life, you too are an abuser!

It is your responsibility to protect and nurture your children. By exposing them to this kind of upbringing is not only detrimental to their well being, it totally skews their perception of how to have a healthy, loving relationship.

As they grow up you will be teaching them exactly how to be an abuser or how to be abused!

So, even if you are in the mental trap of believing you deserve this kind of behaviour; your children certainly don’t!

Begin today and decide whether you are going to remain a victim in an abusive relationship or take the steps to free yourself to live the kind of life you really desire.

You have the power within you to do the thing you think you can’t.

Side note: If you are in a precarious situation and need to secretly devise a plan to leave. Call a Domestic Abuse Helpline.


Susan Russo – About the Author:

Are you in an abusive relationship? Susan Russo has written one of the top breakup/divorce books on the market. Her direct approach is a wake up call for anyone who feels paralysed in finding a way out. How would you like to move beyond the pain and start to feel like a human again?

Related Articles

Spotting the Signs of Emotional Abuse (everydayhealth.com)

Is He/She Abusive? – You’re not Crazy. Stop the abuse.

IS HE/SHE ABUSIVE? - YOU'RE NOT CRAZY. STOP THE ABUSE. ARE YOU BEING ABUSED? YOU MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO TELL, BUT EVEN WORSE, YOU MAY BE THINKING THAT YOU ARE THE CRAZY ONE.

Are you being abused? You may not know how to tell, but even worse, you may be thinking that you are the crazy one.

Abusers work hard to distort our reality to make their reality feel safer.

So what is abuse? Is it someone who hits you emotionally or mentally hurts you to get what they want? Sometimes, mostly not! Ask yourself this: does your partner hurt you repeatedly in any of those ways? Does he or she do it to satisfy their own emotional needs, or because they’re out of control?

Does she or he use the situation to lock you in so you have to tolerate it, or make a huge sacrifice to get away? If you see this dynamic in your relationship, you are being abused. The hurt of abuse can come in many ways, including physical attacks, mental attacks, verbal attacks, sexual attacks, or contact with friends and family.

You’re not Crazy

For many of us, struggling to live with this kind of abusive partner, the first handhold we need to grasp is that we are not crazy. Abusive behaviour isn’t normal. It is caused by an underlying disorder.

Most often, the disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or sociopath – technically called antisocial personality disorder. People who suffer from these disorders have extreme emotions, which lead them to actions that can range from puzzling to brutal. Living with them is painful and confusing.

Personality disorders are aptly named, because the minds of people who suffer from these disorders work differently than healthy people.

They Spin our Reality

Disordered people can’t deal with the reality of their behaviours. On some level they realise how hurtful they are, yet accepting this major flaw in themselves is just too painful. So disordered abusers spin our reality to make theirs less painful. One of the most common defence mechanism they use is projection.

In projection, a characteristic of themselves that they find just too painful to accept is projected onto us. And the most frequently projected characteristic is mental illness. “I’m not a narcissist. You’re the crazy one.” Another common and difficult defence mechanism is blame shifting. It’s your fault this happened because blah, blah blah blah…

After a while it becomes hard to distinguish what is real from what is being projected and what is being distorted. We begin to doubt our reality and question whether we’re the crazy ones, or whether our disordered SO’s (significant others) are really right about what they say.

The truth is, THEY’RE NOT RIGHT. But they feel better when they can get us to carry the burden of their illness and their behaviour.

What’s more, disordered people hide their problems very effectively. People with all of these personality disorders – narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder – have serious maladjustments in coping with life. Thus, they live in emotional turmoil.

They seek to present a very together appearance, hiding their disease from most people. It is only when we get into a close and private relationship with someone else these personality disorders that the abusive behaviour comes out. And because their lives are wracked with emotional turmoil, there is a lot of pent-up emotion that can be focused on us. Yet those around us don’t see it, causing us further confusion and pain.

Dealing with this situation is complex, and people need some idea of how bad it could get ” For most people, there are important obligations that have to be carefully thought about to move away. Because abuse is so damaging significant decisions have to be faced to be resolved in an even manner.

Because abusive partners constantly work to distort our perception of what is happening and what is right and wrong, until we doubt our own judgement so much we can’t make decisions the process of detaching to find safe space and to regain a sense of right and wrong, and searching to understand what we, as people, need in our lives can become very difficult.

Those who need it the most – the traumatized victims – are locked out by the jargon and the lack of practical advice. Recently, survivors and victims have taken matters into their own hands and have published their own books, replete with first hand experiences and tips.

It has to be known that Healing is not easy and will take time No matter the outcome. if getting professional help is Not a financial option, there are many web sites that can assist with self-help. local libraries Have books that can also assist on the journey to healing.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

6 SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being.

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being. In an abusive relationship your partner constantly makes you feel less than a normal person so that they can control you.

Abuse in a relationship is about control where your partner does all they can to control you using either physical and/or emotional abuse. Based on that definition you may find shades of abuse in most relationships when angry people say or do things that they may not mean but what sets them apart from abusive and unhealthy relationships is that here the abuse is infrequent while in abusive relationships the abuse is the normal state of things.

In an abusive and unhealthy relationship your normal everyday reality is a constant tearing down of who you are through verbal abuse or emotional manipulation and/or physical violence. So what are the red flags of an abusive and unhealthy relationship?

1. They controls what you do and what you think. In a very real sense they are master over you as they controls what you do, the people you see and what you feel most of the time. They do this using fear of specific consequences which they have trained you to dread.  Think of it like being on an invisible leash which your partner holds by instilling fear of certain consequences from them if you go or do what they have not sanctioned.

You are thus afraid of any new situation as you don’t know how they will react and you are also afraid of familiar situations since anything can set them off. Are you living in constant fear of upsetting your partner or them hitting you for some vague reason? Are you plagued by fear of what your partner will do and does this determine what you do or don’t do? Then this is a noticeable red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 2. They determines who your friends are. To keep you firmly under there control your partner will make sure that nobody else can have any strong influence on you as that may weaken their hold over you so they alienates you from family, friends and social settings that they feel may threaten or challenge their hold over you.

They drive a wedge between you and your family, they disparage your friends and they emotionally blackmail you to give up ‘other’ activities besides themselves so that they are your only family, friend and life activity. Does that describe you? Does your partner have a tight rein on who you see or don’t see, where you can go etc. so that without their express approval you fear visiting even members of your family? If this is your reality then this is another red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 3. They gets worse with time instead of better. You may have stayed hoping against hope that your partner would change when they saw how much you really loved them and that you were doing all that they asked of you (and even more) but they seem to be getting more controlling and more abusive. Peace and happiness just eludes you in this relationship and the best that you get is the calm before the storm that comes between the abusive episodes.

You have come to slowly realise that you can never seem to make them happy since they seems to need to keep you in constant emotional turmoil so as to keep their hold over you. Does this describe you and your partner? If it does then this is a red flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship. You need to realise that there is no possibility or hope of any lasting joy with your partner.

They cannot treat you well because their own demons do not allow them to do so and until they get long term professional help your only peace will be the calm in between the abusive episodes until the day that you and they are parted.

 4. Your needs are never considered. Since your relationship is by definition dysfunctional and one sided then your needs for love, intimacy, trust and security are either not met or they are distorted.

Love becomes their abuse since if they didn’t love you they wouldn’t abuse you and the more they abuse you the more they supposedly love you since only a person with deep feelings would abuse you so much. Intimacy is at their terms and it is geared at meeting their needs only and the fulfilment of yours is incidental.

Your only security is that they would protect you from others since you are their prey and like any other animal they are unwilling to share. If this describes your relationship then this is another red flag that you are certainly in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

If you would be honest with yourself, you would acknowledged to yourself that you are in this relationship to meet only your partner’s needs.

 5. You live in fear. A cloud of fear hangs over your head or is always somewhere within your vicinity. You live in a state of anxiety as you really don’t know what will set them off; all you know is that something will set them off sooner or later.

Sometimes the waiting for the abuse is almost as bad as the abuse itself since you know it’s on its way but you just don’t know from which direction it will come and the anxiety is almost crippling. If this describes your emotional state then this is a clear raised flag that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

 6. You feel physically sick. All the emotional fretfulness and anxiety from the abuse is beginning to take its toil and you feel ill often. Your head hurts sometimes or your stomach or your back or some other part of your body. Every day there is a part of your body that is not functioning properly and you are also not sleeping properly. You feel bad about yourself and nothing about who you are gives you any joy. A red flag that the abusive relationship is beginning to have long term effects on you.

If these 6 red flag are a part of your relationship reality then know for sure that you are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship and you need to get out today. Don’t think about it, don’t imagine that things might change, don’t deceive yourself that this is love…just leave them today and never come back.  The longer you stay the harder it gets to leave since you get used to the abuse and before long it becomes normal for you and you begin to lose your sense of the wrongness of what they is doing to you.

Rosy Anderson – About the Author:
Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships.

Ending A Narcissistic Relationship – Difficult But Necessary

When a normal relationship comes to an end it is one of the hardest things we  have to do.  But ending a narcissistic  relationship is twice as hard and can even be downright nasty. If you are  the one ending the relationship then it’s a sure sign you are healthier than you  think.  Now you just have to find a way to stay strong.

verbal-abuseYou might be ending the relationship over things that don’t seem important  but deep down you know they are insurmountable. The fact is, in a narcissistic  relationship, you are not getting your  love returned.

If you are dumped by a narcissist it will probably be quick and heartless.  You will be left on your own to  sort out what went wrong, just like in any breakup, but in this type of relationship it will be even  more confusing.  The narcissist will probably already have someone else  lined up before they leave you. In fact narcissists are sometimes serial  cheaters and they don’t have any remorse whatsoever.   If this is the  case then you should feel good about the breakup.  If you get away from  this person you will no longer be subjected to

Your decision is a little harder if you are trying to end this destructive  relationship over something that might seem small to others.  You can end  up doubting your decision, especially during the initial stages of the breakup  when you are lonely and thinking you would rather be with this person than be  alone no matter what the problems are.  You begin to believe the  manipulation you have been subjected to in the narcissistic relationship.

You think if you just try harder you can make him/her love you.    You must get this out of your mind.  The narcissist is incapable of loving  anyone but themselves.

It is important not only to stay strong when you are ending a narcissistic  relationship.  It is also important to get advice from someone who has been  there or seek out professional counseling.   This is a hard  relationship to recover from because the narcissist has very skillfully  brainwashed you into thinking everything is your fault.  They have their  hooks in you and it is hard to break free.

You need to stay focused on why you are breaking up.  You no longer want  to be put down or subjected to rages or made to feel you are unworthy of this  person.   You want a mutually loving relationship.   And  even though you have been conned into thinking you don’t – you DO deserve a healthy relationship.

The fact is that even if your partner has not cheated you have been abused in  a very subtle way.  The narcissist has controlled you and lowered your  self-esteem.  You may not even be aware of this right now but in time you  will start to heal and realize what a bad situation you have been involved  in.

You are probably ending this relationship either because your partner cheated  on you, physically or verbally abused you or was just never there for  you.   Any of those reasons are good reasons to end this  relationship.

Stay strong by remembering when you needed your partner’s emotional support  and he/she just didn’t care.  You’ve probably tried talking with your  partner many times about how you felt and he/she still didn’t care.  That  will never change.  Your desire for a partner who will have empathy for you  is what will keep you strong.  And, the narcissist is not capable of  feeling anything for you.

This might be the hardest thing to understand.  The narcissist cannot  meet your needs for reciprocal love.  Period.  Focus your energies on  someone who is deserving of your love.

Rene  Carlton –    About the Author:

Click the link for more information on the narcissistic  relationship