Trying not to fall apart.

Today you could be standing next to someone who is trying their best not to fall apart, so whatever you do today, do it with kindness in your heart.

Today you could be standing next to someone who is trying their best not to fall apart, so whatever you do today, do it with kindness in your heart.

Practice random acts of kindness everyday because….

A small act of kindness could mean the whole world to someone, anyone! “I know it always does to me”

Please just be gentle to people until you no longer can be… Meaning because of their wrong doings or actions 🎬 then that’s a different story.

Whatever day it is always remind yourself that you did the best you could…..Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙



Chain’s of Habits.

OUR HABITS, OUR DAILY BEHAVIOURS. Determine how we view ourselves. How we view ourselves directly effects the choices we make.
Habit

Our habits, our daily behaviours

Our Habits, Our Daily Behaviour determine how we view ourselves. How we view ourselves directly effects the choices we make.

“If I view myself as a runner, I run. If I view myself as a fighter, I fight. If I view myself as someone who never follows through, I quit. If I view myself as someone who finds joy in everything, I look for joy. If I view myself as a success, I always look for solutions and follow through with determination and perseverance… quitting is not an option”.

The choices we make daily

determine the quality of our lives. When you make what seems like a harmless decision to repeat an action, thought, words or behaviour, you are laying the solid foundation that habits are built on.

The power in habits is absolutely life altering and… we have the ability to choose our habits.

Never underestimate the power in the little choices you repeatedly make,

It is here that your potential for joy, health and happiness lies. Unleash your true potential, own your power and examine your choices.

Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

What is normal?

I have been thinking a lot about the word ‘normal’ lately

And have been catching up on my feed reading where I have found a mountain of people struggling with situations caused by this word ‘normal’. Whether it be in relation to sexuality and where you fit on the Kinsey scale or whether it be about being gay or whether it be about what is normal for a person of your age it is all very confusing.

Normal, is often perceived by social norms but even that is flawed because it is influenced by how we were raised, the groups we associated with and our personal belief structures. For example I don’t see people who enjoy going out and getting drunk as “normal” or stealing for a living ,challenging and wanting one up on the other all the time however someone who has grown up around that or socialises with people who do that may see that as “normal”  Culturally issues such as being gay may not be seen as normal because it is not common amongst peoples circles and the thousands of years of conditioning that people have received.

I have found that as individuals we each decide what we consider normal. In saying that I have found there is no such thing. Normal simply does not exist. I don’t want to play semantics but to me what we are really saying when we use the word normal or say that some action is not normal is that it doesn’t fit into our reality or it doesn’t fit with what I want in my reality. At this point we can either accept the differences, compromise on behaviours or discard people and situations that don’t meet our idea of normal (reality but loss).

Consider this next time you use the word normal and although I know there are a million scenarios and justifications both legitimate and not, I think and feel the word is just too ambiguous and most of the time doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I just had mention this By society’s conventional standards A very simple idea that can be used to classify abnormal behaviour is personal distress. Basically, if a person is content with their life, then they are of no concern to the mental health field. However, if a person’s thoughts or behaviours are causing them personal discomfort or unhappiness, then they will be considered by the professionals as abnormal.

From small babies to elderly grandparents we have a duty.

The family unit is an inescapable feature of our everyday life .While families should be fundamental to our feelings of wellbeing, they can also be sources of great tension. Whether your problem is troublesome teens, interfering in-laws, competing siblings, demanding parents or ill-mannered children, our guide to family life is an essential tool for domestic survival and it does matter how and what values  you want to choose to put in to
your children before you even start.

Children’s manners are getting worse. Table manners are a thing of the past, respect for elders and parents themselves is out of the window, and so on.

We teach our children to walk, we teach them to talk and, if we want our children to interact  successfully, we teach them manners: not just elbows-in, saying-thank-you manners but how to rub along happily with others – both peers and those of all generations, backgrounds and abilities, and this is what we would consider as normal just remember this: “In children, you will get back what values you put into them ”the same  also works for relationships”.

For parents.

Always try your upmost to lead by example, teach good foundations which is most important. Notice what you dislike in yourself and don’t teach it your children. Be polite at all times, listen carefully if you don’t listen to your children how  do you expect then to listen to you, if you’re a shouting parent you will have shouting kids, act deferentially towards the elderly, show consideration for people in public places of all races. Your
good manners and attitude will inevitably rub off on your children and may bring “back respect” from the lost generation .

From my own experiences of becoming a mother I have learnt the biggest difficulties of today are that no matter what values we do teach our children they are still up against the challenge of the word ” normal” and what is normal as they are always around influences of all sorts. As I said earlier in the article as individuals we each decide what we consider normal… “Normal simply does not exist or does it?”

your views would be most appreciated.

Written by Joanne Wellington for meadum2spirit

Copyright © 2020 JoanneWellington.com copyright  all Rights Reserved.

LOneliness

I had spent an hour in the bank with my dad, as he had to transfer some money. I couldn't resist myself & asked... ''Dad, why don't we activate your internet banking?''
Lonely man

I had spent an hour in the bank with my dad, as he had to transfer some money. I couldn’t resist myself & asked…

”Dad, why don’t we activate your internet banking?”

”Why would I do that?” He asked…

”Well, then you wont have to spend an hour here for things like transfer.

You can even do your shopping online. Everything will be so easy!”

I was so excited about initiating him into the world of Net banking.

He asked ”If I do that, I wont have to step out of the house?

”Yes, yes”! I said. I told him how even grocery can be delivered at door now and how amazon delivers everything!

His answer left me tongue-tied.

He said ”Since I entered this bank today, I have met four of my friends, I have chatted a while with the staff who know me very well by now.

You know I am alone…this is the company that I need. I like to get ready and come to the bank. I have enough time, it is the physical touch that I crave.

Two years back I got sick, The store owner from whom I buy fruits, came to see me and sat by my bedside and cried.

When your Mom fell down few days back while on her morning walk. Our local grocer saw her and immediately got his car to rush her home as he knows where I live.

Would I have that ‘human’ touch if everything became online?

Why would I want everything delivered to me and force me to interact with just my computer?

I like to know the person that I’m dealing with and not just the ‘seller’. It creates bonds of Relationships.

Does Amazon deliver all this as well?”’

Technology isn’t life..
Spend time with people .. Not with devices.

I hope this article serves your mind well  before you take a break from your device 👀🤭

Have a good day Wishing you health, peace and empowerment.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻💙

Is He/She Abusive? – You’re not Crazy. Stop the abuse.

IS HE/SHE ABUSIVE? - YOU'RE NOT CRAZY. STOP THE ABUSE. ARE YOU BEING ABUSED? YOU MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO TELL, BUT EVEN WORSE, YOU MAY BE THINKING THAT YOU ARE THE CRAZY ONE.

Are you being abused? You may not know how to tell, but even worse, you may be thinking that you are the crazy one.

Abusers work hard to distort our reality to make their reality feel safer.

So what is abuse? Is it someone who hits you emotionally or mentally hurts you to get what they want? Sometimes, mostly not! Ask yourself this: does your partner hurt you repeatedly in any of those ways? Does he or she do it to satisfy their own emotional needs, or because they’re out of control?

Does she or he use the situation to lock you in so you have to tolerate it, or make a huge sacrifice to get away? If you see this dynamic in your relationship, you are being abused. The hurt of abuse can come in many ways, including physical attacks, mental attacks, verbal attacks, sexual attacks, or contact with friends and family.

You’re not Crazy

For many of us, struggling to live with this kind of abusive partner, the first handhold we need to grasp is that we are not crazy. Abusive behaviour isn’t normal. It is caused by an underlying disorder.

Most often, the disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or sociopath – technically called antisocial personality disorder. People who suffer from these disorders have extreme emotions, which lead them to actions that can range from puzzling to brutal. Living with them is painful and confusing.

Personality disorders are aptly named, because the minds of people who suffer from these disorders work differently than healthy people.

They Spin our Reality

Disordered people can’t deal with the reality of their behaviours. On some level they realise how hurtful they are, yet accepting this major flaw in themselves is just too painful. So disordered abusers spin our reality to make theirs less painful. One of the most common defence mechanism they use is projection.

In projection, a characteristic of themselves that they find just too painful to accept is projected onto us. And the most frequently projected characteristic is mental illness. “I’m not a narcissist. You’re the crazy one.” Another common and difficult defence mechanism is blame shifting. It’s your fault this happened because blah, blah blah blah…

After a while it becomes hard to distinguish what is real from what is being projected and what is being distorted. We begin to doubt our reality and question whether we’re the crazy ones, or whether our disordered SO’s (significant others) are really right about what they say.

The truth is, THEY’RE NOT RIGHT. But they feel better when they can get us to carry the burden of their illness and their behaviour.

What’s more, disordered people hide their problems very effectively. People with all of these personality disorders – narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder – have serious maladjustments in coping with life. Thus, they live in emotional turmoil.

They seek to present a very together appearance, hiding their disease from most people. It is only when we get into a close and private relationship with someone else these personality disorders that the abusive behaviour comes out. And because their lives are wracked with emotional turmoil, there is a lot of pent-up emotion that can be focused on us. Yet those around us don’t see it, causing us further confusion and pain.

Dealing with this situation is complex, and people need some idea of how bad it could get ” For most people, there are important obligations that have to be carefully thought about to move away. Because abuse is so damaging significant decisions have to be faced to be resolved in an even manner.

Because abusive partners constantly work to distort our perception of what is happening and what is right and wrong, until we doubt our own judgement so much we can’t make decisions the process of detaching to find safe space and to regain a sense of right and wrong, and searching to understand what we, as people, need in our lives can become very difficult.

Those who need it the most – the traumatized victims – are locked out by the jargon and the lack of practical advice. Recently, survivors and victims have taken matters into their own hands and have published their own books, replete with first hand experiences and tips.

It has to be known that Healing is not easy and will take time No matter the outcome. if getting professional help is Not a financial option, there are many web sites that can assist with self-help. local libraries Have books that can also assist on the journey to healing.

DON’T be to quick to judge story!

A young couple moved into a new house. 

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbour hanging the washing outside.

“That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better soap powder. 

Her husband looked on, remaining silent.

Every time her neighbour hung her washing out to dry, the young woman made the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?”

The husband replied, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

And so it is with life… What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

So don’t be too quick to judge others, especially if your perspective of life is clouded by anger, jealousy, negativity or unfulfilled desires.

“Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.”

— Jonathan Kestenbaum