Why do I have a hard time Letting Go and What To Do About It

WHY DO I HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING GO AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

WHY DO I HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING GO AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

We’ve all been blessed with heart-breaking situations where people have wronged us or things haven’t gone the way we would like.  Moving past them is difficult.

If you’ve ended a relationship, job or time in your life, it’s tough to let go and move on.  Your subconscious, or monkey mind, wants to hold onto it like a dog that won’t let go of a bone.  It wants to chew on it, gnaw and dig into the painful center of it.

Your logical mind gets sucked up into the drama of the monkey.  You start to think of “what if’s” and “if only’s” that your monkey mind creates to add even more drama and negative feelings.

It would be so much easier to just let go and move on with your life, but the monkey won’t let you.

You try to let go.  You move onto the next relationship or job.  Just when things seem to be going well again, the old thoughts start to arise again, sabotaging things.

Why is it so hard to let go?  Why is it so difficult to forgive and forget?

The Need to Be Right

Because you’ve been wronged and your monkey needs to prove itself right.  Safety is the monkey mind’s number one priority, and being wrong is not safe.

The monkey will go out of its way to dream up all the reasons that you were right and the other person or aspects of the situation were wrong.  It won’t let go of the need to be right.

But there you are, stuck in the middle with your monkey screeching in one ear and your wiser self whispering in the other, urging you to move on.

Letting go can be hard because it means letting go of aspects of your past – aspects of you.  It also means letting go of your expectations of how things should have been.

Letting go hints of being wrong or allowing someone else to be right (when you know that what they did was wrong).

Unfortunately, it’s all in the past and there’s nothing you can do about it.  The drama, the holding on, is in your own mind.

You are the only one with the power to let it go.

Rather than possibly admitting defeat and letting go, what if there were another way?  A more mindful way that has nothing to do with right and wrong. What if, instead of letting go, you simply let things be.

Allow them to be as they are.

Let It Be

The only meaning that anything has is the meaning you give it.

If you were wronged, it’s because you told yourself that you were, and then you make up a story about that.

One of the core tenets of mindfulness is to observe without judgment.

Making people or things right or wrong involves passing judgment on them.

Could you look at the situation differently or more objectively?  Could you create a different story about it?  What lessons could you then glean from the whole mess?  How could it help you?

Tapping can help you to safely face your painful past and remove the emotional sting.

There’s a saying that the only way past fear is through it.  All negative emotions are based in fear.  An inability to let go is based in fear.  If you weren’t afraid of letting go, you would have done it already.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. ~Thich Nhat Hanh”

Letting Go course

Simple Steps

Depending on the level of severity of the situation you’re dealing with, you may be able to work through the emotions on your own.  Here’s a process you can work through to loosen the grip of the “letting go” situation:

  1. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Give yourself at least 30 minutes (an hour would be better) as you won’t want to break the flow of the process.
  2. Sit in a relaxed position in a chair or on the floor.
  3. Close your eyes and take ten deep breaths to calm and centre yourself. Focus on the process of your breathing.  Don’t force it to be anything.  Just allow your body to breathe however it needs to.
  4. When you feel calm, think about the thing you want to let go of, the thing you want to release. Feel the feelings that come up.  Don’t hold anything back.
  5. Focus on the strongest feeling. Exactly where do you feel it in your body?  All emotions create homes in our bodies which create physical sensations (pain, heat, cold, numbness, tightness, etc.).
  6. Focus on the feeling in your body. Take time to understand exactly where it is and what the sensations are.  Don’t try to make them go away as this will only cause them to persist.  Objectively observe the sensation.  Describe it in as much detail as possible. As you do this, the sensation may change and evolve.  Stay with it.
  7. Once you’re clear on what and where the sensation is, ask it what message it’s trying to deliver. These types of messages come from your True Self and are there to help you grow and heal.  The message may or may not be words.  It may be colours, feelings, smells or any number of things.  Be open to whatever arises.  It may or may not be something that makes sense to you.  Don’t judge it as good, bad, right, wrong, crazy or anything else.  Simply be with it and allow the messages to come forward.
  8. When you feel that you’ve received as much of the message as you can, take ten deep breaths, focusing on the process and sensations of breathing.
  9. At this point, you can either sit with your experience or move to a different sensation in your body and repeat the last three steps.
  10. Open your eyes and start writing whatever comes up for you in a journal or notebook. Pen and paper work best for this process (no electronics).  Keep writing for as long as you can without judging any of it.  Neither you nor anything you write is wrong, crazy, stupid or any other negative judgment.  Equally, neither you nor anything you write is right, brilliant or awesome.  It simply is.
  11. In your journal, answer these questions: How can what I just experienced help me to move forward in my life?  Can I see the difficult experience differently?  Can I see myself differently?  What can I do to minimize the emotional toll of similar experiences in the future and let them go as they occur?  What would be a more supportive story I can tell myself about the situation?
  12. Repeat this process on a weekly basis until you feel that you can truly let go and move forward. I suggest weekly in order to give your subconscious time to work through what comes up in each session.  You may have a revelation three days after a session that didn’t occur to you while you were originally journaling.

This process is like peeling an onion.  Each session can bring you a little closer to your True Self and a better understanding of more supportive ways of handling future situations.

As new thoughts, feelings and emotions arise between sessions, write about them in your journal.  During your journaling sessions, write until you feel that there’s nothing left to write about.  Dig deep.

So often, it’s difficult to move past a feeling about a situation because you repeat a surface-level loop of thoughts and stories about it without moving any deeper.  Journaling is a powerful tool that allows you to delve deeper and release what your monkey mind keeps pent up by its constant chatter.

Feeling the difficult feelings of something you want to let go of, examining how they manifest in your body and journaling about it all is a process of moving through and past your fears and creating a more empowered life.

The past is what it is and can’t be changed.  You have the ability to create more empowering stories about it.  Everyone lives in their own reality based on the stories they tell themselves about who and how they are.

It’s up to you to re-write your story.

What do you want to let go of?  What patterns would you rather not repeat?  What new narrative can you apply to the past to support your True Self?

6 Reasons Why It Doesn’t Matter What People Think Of You.

NOT EVERYONE LIKES ME
NOT EVERYONE LIKES ME

6 REASONS WHY IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.

When we really think about it, much of our lives are often built around what other people think of us. Trying to impress others, being afraid of the opinions of others, and not doing what we want because of what we think goes on, or will go on, in other people’s heads can often dictate and harm our lives. Even the most confident people with the world at their feet most likely think a lot about what at least some people think of them.

In order to live the life we want, we must stop living in the eyes of others and embrace our own freedom. Here are six reasons why it really doesn’t matter what other people think of you.

1. You only get one life and it’s yours

In years to come, you will regret not doing what you wish because of what you thought others might think of you. The most powerful truth in the world is that you only get one life and if you allow other people’s opinions to dictate the course of that life then it may very well be wasted. We are so lucky to be alive that it is the most profound shame to not make of life the absolute most of it we can.

2. It is only shallow people that form negative opinions of what you do

Open, caring and intelligent people don’t look down on others for how they live their lives. The only people that do spend a lot of time fussing and stressing over the lives of others are the small-minded, ignorant and vacuous. Those people, because they don’t have enough going on in their own lives, they have to focus on other people’s lives and behaviour. Which begs the question, why would you care what such people think in the first place and why would you let them influence your life?

3. The opinions of others only describe themselves

If someone passes judgement on another saying they are ‘weird’, ‘boring’, ‘useless’ etc., then that is no judgement on the other person, it is a judgement on themselves. If a person really was any of those things why would they be spending all that time fussing over them and thinking about them? Such judgements reflect a weak-minded and insecure person.

4. No one knows your story but you

How can anyone pass judgement on anyone’s life if they haven’t walked in their shoes? Smart people understand that we all have our own path in life and that we alone must walk it and experience it. Therefore, you should never let other’s opinions influence your life when they haven’t seen, felt and experienced what you have. Only you know what is best for you.

5. You must live authentically

To live authentically means that we are honest with others, but more importantly, we are honest with ourselves. It means that we do not live a life of fake representations whereby we put on a mask and act to the world and pretend to be someone we are not. To live authentically is perhaps the most important thing we can do.

6. People don’t actually care

The truth of the matter is people don’t actually care what you do very much. The vast majority of people are caught up in their own lives, and do not have time to care about what you are doing. Think about it. Do you spend hours and hours thinking about what other people are doing or thinking about one embarrassing thing someone did years ago. Obviously not. Simply put, those that care don’t matter, and those that matter don’t care.

Wishing you health, peace, safety and empowerment J.W 🙏💙

#COVID19 Aged 19 year’s!

Start the healing process!

HE WAS ONLY 19 YEARS OLD

Frankly I don’t know where to start as I’m here once again thrust into the unknown. Another brother has lost a child this time to Covid19. This is 2 nephew’s and a niece in three years, that’s 1 loss a year… I’m broken and deeply saddened is this even going to end!.

I can’t even think of the words for what I’m feeling. He was just a child 19 year old, he had everything going for him. Another close member of the family that I’ve watched grow up from a tiny beautiful gorgeous little baby, that’s grown up alongside my children and became one of their best friends and was a big part of our lives.

I am beyond broken and devastated. He was the young and becoming  famous member of the family of whom we was so so proud of. Before lockdown he was in talks to travel to Japan for his wrestling. He was a true studying artist He had a cracking career ahead of him.

He was taken.

19 Year old Cameron Wellington past on the 19th November after deteriorating further, Well you gave it your all Cameron, even checked yourself into the hospital. Doctors were freaked out by that with his condition. He had a blood clot on his lungs and heart and his blood was burning him from the inside like acid to the point he had to be put in a coma. Then he had to go through not one but two operations within hours of each other but he didn’t complain nor was he scared. He truly was a fighter to the end and lived up to his wrestling reputation. Your suffering is over and you’re in a better place with the rest of your family to look after you now.  We’re never going to forget you or any of the great memories you gave. We love you and we’re gonna miss you R.I.P. Don’t get too comfortable with the peace and quiet up there from us it’s not forever this is not the end.

Personally

If you were ever to meet Cameron he just had the biggest heart you could ever imagine, an infectious smile, big personality, anyone who’s ever met him would say he was just a wonderful young man and I shall truly miss him and so will many. He left us too soon but left a small legacy behind just to well miss to ever be forgotten.

“Treasured in my heart you’ll stay, until we meet again some day. Rest in peace.” Cameron Wellington “🙏 💙


Caution Take it seriously! COVID19

“I would urge everyone to be very guarded in terms of assuming that this is just another cold or flu virus – it is not there’s no such thing as invincibility from this virus it’s taking our children too!!” Here is the evidence Young people really need to take this seriously, they’re not immune to this disease.” Please be cautious no one has an exemption certificate! It shows no mercy.

NEWSPAPER ARTICLES

‘Remember him with a smile’: Tributes after Walsall teenager dies from Covid-19

Tragedy as ‘fit and healthy’ Walsall wrestler Cam Wellington, 19, dies of Covid

GoFundMe Page.

Here is his GoFundMe page please show support during this time for a young 19 year old Cameron Wellington Passed away with COVID19 leaving Mom, Dad and 5 siblings behind. Please share this post on to your pages that would be great too! Please don’t stop donating Cameron’s parents really wish to give him the professional send off that he truly deserves! It’s the last thing that they can do for him. Thank you for all your support.👍 🙏💙

You need to understand how precious time is.

In the meantime every day find time to talk with someone you don’t know. Listen to their story. Do it in person. Learn from them. Be your brother’s keeper, your sister’s shelter. When a neighbour is in need or a thirsty young mind is denied the challenges and opportunities to grow and flourish, or a sister or brother is crushed by a purposefully flawed criminal justice system that rewards winning rather than justice, find a way to do something about it now.

If you have a teacher or mentor who made a great or even small impact on your life, tell them. Call them, write to them, let them know what a wonderful impact they had on you. Life is too short not to validate the ones who have changed our lives in a profound way. Then there will be no regrets when they pass on because you already told them what was in your heart, and your life will be richer for it in ways that you never dreamed. It’s not about being perfect.

Young people need to know that the things that make you successful at school, like following rules, working the hardest and being perfect, are not what will make you happy outside of school. Follow your instincts, experiment, try things out, talk to people “way out of your professional league,” and keep dreaming big dreams. There is always a way out no matter how bad it seems — that job, that career path, that relationship — trust yourself enough to let it go if it is making you question your self-worth or it isn’t what you want to be remembered for. God bless you all and please take care of you and your loved ones.🙏💙°*”˜.•°*”˜💙🙏 ˜”*°•.˜”*°💙🙏

Please take care and really look after yourselves out there…

Wishing you health, peace, safety and empowerment Xxx ~Joanne Wellington ~ 🙏🏻

Copyright © 2020  Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.

2020 let’s just start the healing process


YOU ARE BEING CALLED TO RISE…

2020 LET'S JUST START THE HEALING  PROCESS.  YOU ARE BEING CALLED TO RISE...
Calling all.

2020 LET’S JUST START THE HEALING PROCESS

Hello my lovelies, my lightworkers, my healers. Can you feel it. It’s everywhere. It’s no coincidence that things are changing. That the world is as it is at the moment. The time is now. Even masculine energy is strong right now. We have to come together.

There are no rules, just love and awareness. You choose what it is you have to offer. Let’s just start the healing process. I’m in, are you? 🙏

If you ever felt called to be a healer, a teacher, a salve for the people, now is your time to come forward.🙏

If you are a word weaver or a light worker or a lender of ears, now is your time to come forward.🙏

If you have been hiding medicine in your pockets, behind your eyes, beneath your tongue, waiting for the “right” time to share it, now is your time to come forward.🙏

If you have been waiting for approval, for validation, for vindication before sharing your most precious gifts, now is your time to come forward.🙏

If you are waiting for the perfect time, the perfect mentor, the perfect plan, now your time to come forward.🙏

If you can bring laughter, comfort and warmth to the most solemn spaces, now is your time to come forward.🙏

If you have ever been called to use your life for something greater than yourself, now is your time to come forward.🙏

Yes, you might be terrified.
Yes, you might be unpopular.
Yes, you might disrupt the social norm 🙏

But the world needs you.
NOW! 🙏

Come forward. Imperfect, Broken, Uncertain, Raw, Willing, Open.🙏

Lend your gifts to the greater good. Help make the world a better place so we might all be free.

Please take care as always and have a good day. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment .
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻

8 things to remember

8 things to remember

8 things to remember when going through tough times:

1. Everything can – and will – change
2. You’ve overcome challenges before

3. It’s a learning experience.
4. Not getting what you want can be a blessing.

5. Allow yourself to have some fun.
6. Being kind to yourself is the best medicine.

7. Other people’s negativity isn’t worth worrying about.
8. And there is always, always, always, something to be thankful for.

Please take care and have a good day. Wishing you health, peace and empowerment always.
Xxx ~J.W~ 🙏🏻