When a normal relationship comes to an end it is one of the hardest things we have to do. But ending a narcissistic relationship is twice as hard and can even be downright nasty. If you are the one ending the relationship then it’s a sure sign you are healthier than you think. Now you just have to find a way to stay strong.
You might be ending the relationship over things that don’t seem important but deep down you know they are insurmountable. The fact is, in a narcissistic relationship, you are not getting your love returned.
If you are dumped by a narcissist it will probably be quick and heartless. You will be left on your own to sort out what went wrong, just like in any breakup, but in this type of relationship it will be even more confusing. The narcissist will probably already have someone else lined up before they leave you. In fact narcissists are sometimes serial cheaters and they don’t have any remorse whatsoever. If this is the case then you should feel good about the breakup. If you get away from this person you will no longer be subjected to
Your decision is a little harder if you are trying to end this destructive relationship over something that might seem small to others. You can end up doubting your decision, especially during the initial stages of the breakup when you are lonely and thinking you would rather be with this person than be alone no matter what the problems are. You begin to believe the manipulation you have been subjected to in the narcissistic relationship.
You think if you just try harder you can make him/her love you. You must get this out of your mind. The narcissist is incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
It is important not only to stay strong when you are ending a narcissistic relationship. It is also important to get advice from someone who has been there or seek out professional counseling. This is a hard relationship to recover from because the narcissist has very skillfully brainwashed you into thinking everything is your fault. They have their hooks in you and it is hard to break free.
You need to stay focused on why you are breaking up. You no longer want to be put down or subjected to rages or made to feel you are unworthy of this person. You want a mutually loving relationship. And even though you have been conned into thinking you don’t – you DO deserve a healthy relationship.
The fact is that even if your partner has not cheated you have been abused in a very subtle way. The narcissist has controlled you and lowered your self-esteem. You may not even be aware of this right now but in time you will start to heal and realize what a bad situation you have been involved in.
You are probably ending this relationship either because your partner cheated on you, physically or verbally abused you or was just never there for you. Any of those reasons are good reasons to end this relationship.
Stay strong by remembering when you needed your partner’s emotional support and he/she just didn’t care. You’ve probably tried talking with your partner many times about how you felt and he/she still didn’t care. That will never change. Your desire for a partner who will have empathy for you is what will keep you strong. And, the narcissist is not capable of feeling anything for you.
This might be the hardest thing to understand. The narcissist cannot meet your needs for reciprocal love. Period. Focus your energies on someone who is deserving of your love.
Rene Carlton – About the Author:
Click the link for more information on the narcissistic relationship
- How to deal with a narcissist – The signs, the protection and the support (joannewellington.wordpress.com)